Nancy 20050129A

435 Cissy Pansy 20050129A

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

Today was very topsy-turvy.

Mistress and I got up late full of good intentions to clean the house and go out to buy some Ladies' shoes for me. In preparation for this, I'd used Veet (= Immac = Nair) on my feet legs up to about my sock line: Mistress won't allow me to go all the way. For the first time I painted my toenails, bright red, and re-varnished my fingernails in a clear lacquer. Mistress said I was a tart and advised me not to use colour on my toenails in Summer if I wanted to wear my sandals as my toenails would be no better than pink. I suggested I might be able to use a paler colour or clear but She didn't look impressed.

I washed Mistress's hair, shaved under my arms and dressed in my Maid's uniform. As we'd be going out, I added a panty-girdle between my silk panties and frilly uniform knickers to ensure I'd stay properly tucked and give me a smooth knicker line at the front under the Ladies' slacks I'd be wearing.

Mistress sat on the bed looking disconsolate. She couldn't decide what to wear. I started trying to get into my Maid persona and began addressing Her as Mistress and making suggestions. Mistress just looked more unhappy.

Eventually She dressed as I'd suggested and we stripped and made the bed. We went downstairs for breakfast. Mistress was looking very upset. She sat down and began to cry. I asked what was wrong and She said, "Nothing. Everything's fine."

I asked if She was upset by my clothes and She said, "No. Nothing's wrong," with tears running down Her face.

I knelt at Her feet and persisted, but, as usual, She just kept denying everything. I got up and walked to the door to change.

"No, don't!" She said.

I became impertinent and explained how bad I felt with Her first patently upset then crying but all the while insisting everything was fine. I said I knew what was wrong, that I'd been selfish, I had misjudged Her acceptance and now I wanted to dress as a man. This persuaded Her to communicate.

She WAS upset by my clothes. "When am I going to get my husband back?"

"Right now!" I said without hesitation.

"No!"

I stopped on the way to the door again.

We talked for a long time. She felt deserted. She never knew whether She'd come home to a man or a Woman. Was I going to dress en Femme all the time? She didn't want to stop me completely because She thought that would make me resentful in time. I think She finally revealed Her true feelings.

I offered to never ask to dress again and wait for Her to grant permission. She declined, saying She'd never offer. Instead we'd agree a rota, which has yet to be worked out. I explained I need Her help and support in my sissification, but I needed to know where I stood so I wasn't trying to do something which She was never going to allow, or to which She objected. As an example, I mentioned what had happened when I broached replacing my male underwear with panties and how She had been reluctant to say what She meant. Mistress then said She was fine with me wearing panties, providing I understood the risks (car crashes, etc) and that they don't arouse Her, though some of the plainer panties are fine! I was confused and we agreed to talk again when it's time to replace them.

I re-iterated why I wanted Her to help me manage my money. She was reluctant to take on the extra work so I suggested I transfer to Her all my wages, less the fixed amount needed for bills, and She could pay me pocket money out of that. She was reluctant to leave me without access to money in an emergency but I pointed out I'd still have an overdraft facility and credit card.

In the spirit of the above, I asked whether my intention of buying Ladies' shoes was a waste of Her money. She said it was my money to spend as I wanted and as She would not brook me controlling Her spending, She would not prevent me. I tried again and we discussed, to my amazement, me going out dressed en Femme. This was Mistress's suggestion! She said I'd need much better make-up and wig before I could. I'm not even dreaming of that at the moment! I said the shoes I wanted were, while Feminine, not overly-so and I was hoping to wear them outside with slacks. (Auburn mentioned that's how her Wife started). Mistress confessed to reservations about accompanying me to the shop. It was later than I'd wanted to go anyway (after four o'clock and the shop closes at five) but Mistress did say I could go straight away on my own. I need longer than that to build my courage and I wasn't sure She wasn't just humouring me. I said no and Mistress said I should use mail order instead.

In conclusion, Mistress said it was just events were happening too quickly and She needed time to adjust. We cooked and ate breakfast. I showed Her the credit card bill and explained why I'd spent the money then we started on the housework. I cleaned the bathroom in my panties, panty-girdle and waspie (I was using bleach and I've already ruined two pairs of trousers while cleaning the bathroom: I didn't want to ruin my uniform) with Marigold rubber gloves. Mistress dusted the bedroom then went to watch a television programme. With only half the bathroom done, I went down and cooked our evening meal.

Although I fully-intended to finish the bathroom that evening, I never got near it again. We opened the first bottle of wine since starting the diet and talked for hours, of which more in the B letter.

I explained more about the group to Mistress. I confessed I was undergoing anal training and was greeted by, "Yuck!" I said many Ladies enjoy anal penetration, but males have the additional benefit of prostrate stimulation. I also tried to liken the pleasure I receive from anal penetration to that She receives from vaginal penetration. I didn't convince Her.

In private correspondence, Madam Rebecca had given me a reward. I felt I should ask Mistress's permission before accepting. She expressed Her wish that I should decline, saying, "You're taken!"

Mistress can be quite protective of me.

I knelt in front of Mistress and thanked Her for Her kindness and understanding and said if there was anything I could do for Her that would make Her as happy as She'd made me, then She must tell me.

As I wrote; topsy-turvy.

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)