Nancy 20050225

491 Nancy 20050225

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

22.02.2005

Madam dropped off some more clothes that no longer fit Her for my Wife to try. She also returned my yellow party dress, which She has repaired, and She's made up my first leotard from the black material with sparkling gold cross-hatching. It looks quite dressy and Christmassy. I won't be able to wear it in public at this stage of my development, though, as it's too obviously Feminine. I'll have to see what the navy blue Lycra and purple velvet look like. We've decided the zip needs to be removed from the back to get a better fit and She's told me to get some gold or black ribbon so She can take out a two inch section from the middle to shorten it a little - it sags a bit in the crotch!

I wore it all evening with a pair of lacy white cotton panties and my navy slacks. The house is now covered in gold glitter!

23.02.2005

Despite getting washed and shaved, the first thing that was said to me today at work was, "Why have you got glitter on your face?"

Whoops!

I said my Wife had been wearing a new glittering top. Sorry and I stand ready to receive any punishment You might think this merits.

24.02.2005

See 23.02.2005!

My Wife took a bath this evening and I got in when She got out. I bemoaned the fact that my legs were getting hairy again and were no longer smooth.

"They were never smooth: that's the whole point!" She said.

"Maybe I'll have to try waxing them again."

"You've never waxed them."

"Okay, but I did sugar them before we went to Italy in 2003."

"You'll have to find a Beautician Who's willing to do it where you work and go after work."

"And You don't mind?"

"I'll put up with it. Mind, I don't know how you'll pay for it because it'll cost you a fortune and you only get £10 a month pocket money!"

Yippee and much wailing and gnashing of teeth!

I think I'll file away this conversation with one we had recently when I had collected Mistress from Madam's after work one evening. We drive past some lovely old detached houses. They're very large but we've daydreamed for years about owning one. Two are for sale at the moment. At about £500,000, they're way out of our league, but I said to Mistress that, if we had a large football pools or lottery win, we'd sell our house and buy one with Madam. I'd give up work and be Their Maid. Madam likes to work and Mistress would work part-time for the social aspects. I'd like to go to the local college and study beauty therapy and secretarial skills. We also talked about replacing the car and Mistress said She'd like a pink Honda Jazz. I agreed.

To my surprise, Mistress seemed to like the daydream and was still in agreement when I reminded Her of it a few days later. Wish us luck!

Deep down, I think I'm an introvert. I have to be extrovert in my job, but if someone else is prepared to be dominant in a social context and is doing a good job of leadership or if I have nothing to say, I'm quite able to fade into the background, to the surprise of those who think they know me, as well as mine, to be honest. I've come to think of the extrovert me as just a mask I wear, along with the rest of my male persona. I'm not a real sissy yet, but I do think I'm already more comfortable with my sissy self.

26.02.2005

I collected some books from the Post Office. My last hurrah before I gave up my money was to buy two books: "Panties: a brief history" and "Bra: a thousand years of style, support and seduction." I'll let you know more when I've read them.

There'll not be much to tell this weekend as Mistress has requested I dress-up as a male. However, I did mention the daydream again and She didn't object in the least. Indeed, She's quite taken with the idea of a pink car.

Oh, I nearly forgot. I've asked Mistress and Madam what they thought about my name. They're not in favour of it. Madam prefers Caroline, but Mistress has given me some of Her handkerchiefs with Her first initial embroidered on and She says I must adopt that. She's chosen Nancy for me, so that's how I'll be signing myself in future. It is a name I considered before choosing Cissy Pansy.

Love,

Nancy
(Curtsey)

Nancy 20050219

480 Cissy Pansy 19.02.2005

(Curtsey)

Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

I've had a wonderful time!

18.02.2005

We arose early as I had an appointment with the optician. I dressed in my silk lingerie, panty girdle, opaque black hold-up stockings, navy slacks and navy low heels. I didn't have a blouse in which I could pass, so Mistress lent me one of Hers. It had even blue and white stripes with a plain white collar and white cuffs. The sleeves were a little short (they're short on Mistress, too), so She showed me how to wear them unfastened and turned back.

After the eye test (better than 20:20 vision, much to Mistress's annoyance), we went to a dance wear shop and bought more material for leotards. I chose navy blue lycra and purple stretch velvet. The Shopkeeper said, "Is it for You?" addressing my Wife. The best I felt able to say was, "Yes, it is." Strictly, She'd left the question's subject open and I answered truthfully. Perhaps I'll be able to be more forthcoming next time.

We returned home and cooked breakfast. I changed my low heels for my flats and Mistress said I could wear them in Winter as shoes, too (as opposed to sandals in Summer) if I wore opaque stockings.

I went to Madam's to collect Her after work and bring Her to ours for a tea party. While I was waiting, I washed and dried Her dishes and tried to give things a quick wipe over. To my horror, I found that whereas our house is basically clean but often untidy, Madam's is tidy but not clean. Her kitchen was thick with grease!

Seconds later I received a phone call from Mistress. Madam had driven straight to ours from work so She could have Her car as an escape route if She wanted one. I had an idea. Madam has every other weekend off and I suggested to Mistress that They both go to see Their Mother, Who lives nearly 200 miles away, in a fortnight's time, leaving me behind to do housework. This means I'll be able to start early (Mistress is a late riser) and work longer as I won't be worried about Madam coming back and trying to help. I'll also be able to do some of the longer jobs I want to do at home, too.

I returned home and put on my yellow party dress. I took off my panty girdle and replaced it with the lace-ruffled panties which matched the dress. Madam commented that it fitted me much better than my Maid's dress.

For just the second time, I was allowed to wear make-up. Mistress made up my face, though I made a hash of the eyeliner, though I did better with the lip liner and mascara. Mistress also sorted out my wig then painted my fingernails bright red. Madam was amazed at my transformation. She said from a few feet my face was completely Feminine and She'd never know from my face that I was a male, although I lacked a Feminine figure. I felt wonderful. I've added some more photographs to my album in ThHW4. Mistress and I think I'm unrecognisable.

Madam looked great, too. She's lost a lot of weight and was using the meal as an excuse to try a new little black dress in a safe environment. Unfortunately, Her hair is grey and won't take colour or She'd lose at least ten years (She's 53).

Mistress and Madam cooked the meal. As I was wearing my party dress, my only duty was to set the table (but I made up for this by preparing an equally nice meal on my own the next night). Mistress wanted to try moussaka and it took ages to make (about two hours of preparation, never mind cooking), but it was delicious. I got away with only three disasters: concealer and foundation on the frill at my neck; lily pollen from Mistress's St Valentine's Day bouquet (be warned, sissies, that stuff can stain so easily) which I was able to brush out straight away; and, at the end of the evening when Mistress untied my sash and unzipped my dress so I could undress myself, I stood on the ribbon when climbing the stairs and tore a hole in my dress, but Madam says it will be easy to repair.

During the meal, I set Madam's place at the head of the table. She said, "Surely you should be sat at the head of the table?" but then corrected Herself, "But then again, you're no longer the man of the house, are you?" She wanted to know why I called my Wife Mistress, but She only got Madam. "I hope you don't think I'm a 'madam'!" I explained it was meant with the greatest respect and as a means of differentiating Her from Mistress then Mistress and I said together, "Besides, You're not his/my Mistress: I/She am/is!"

I knelt in front of Them and thanked Them for the meal, Their tolerance and Their understanding. Madam said it was all quite normal until I drew attention to the fact that I wasn't really a Girl and Mistress agreed.

Mistress mentioned that I do a lot of cooking, though it's often a team effort, but I don't make a big song and dance about it. Madam said many males cook, but then expect it to be the main topic of conversation for days. I said I found that very strange. I find a simple thank you to be more than sufficient.

It was a good evening. Mistress and I slept on a sofa-bed in the spare bedroom and we fulfilled one of Madam's fantasies: to sleep in a four-poster bed. If I'd known, She could have done that years ago!

Love,

Cissy Pansy

(Curtsey)

Thanks for your journals. I always look forward to them!

--an inferior male

Nancy 20050218

478  Cissy Pansy 18.02.2005

(Curtsey)

Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses, Cindy and sissies,

15.02.2005

I spent the day dressed as a male again, but I did manage to finally finish the filing and bring up to date my posts.

We went out to our favourite restaurant to celebrate St Valentine's Day and enjoyed a lovely meal. We talked about my sissiness again and Mistress again expressed Her concern that She was losing Her husband. I reassured Her that the male me was still there. I suggested a compromise. We both get enormous enjoyment from our current sex life, in which I am a little dominant, but strictly within Her limits, so I suggested this continue unchanged, but She become more dominant in other areas of our lives.

Occasionally in the past, Mistress has tried to be dominant in bed, after we'd started to make love after our normal fashion. Initially this was okay, but the angle of penetration of my little wiggle into Mistress isn't quite right and I can't climax with Her on top. As She likes me to come either at the same time or just after Her (simultaneously is wild, but just after lets Her complete Her climax with a stiff little wiggle still inside Her), She'd end up working very hard and delaying Her own orgasm too long. Then we'd have to change position anyway so I could cum, but She'd be unable to.

Alternatively, years after we got together, Mistress sometimes started to stroke my little wiggle as part of foreplay. (For the first years She was too shy!) Whilst I enjoyed this enormously, soon my stiff little wiggle would go all soft and there'd be nothing we could do.

Eventually this behaviour transferred to when She went on top, so now we stick to Her being a little submissive. However, we haven't tried the alternative since I was prescribed Viagra. I no longer need it, mostly because I have access to it if I do need it, but it does keep my little wiggle all stiff and I can regain my stiffness within minutes of my orgasm. I suggested Mistress might like to try sexual assertiveness again when I'd taken a little blue pill.

Mistress was still menstruating, so I tried my Aneros again that night. I've written about that in another letter.

16.02.2005

After breakfast I removed the nail varnish from one of Mistress's hands and then re-coated those nails. Mistress then painted my fingernails with clear varnish. Her technique was much more assured than mine.

I had an appointment with the Hairdresser. Mistress had said She'd accompany me, but She wasn't ready in time so I walked on ahead (it's only about 100 yards). I was wearing my silk lingerie, black stockings, Madam's old grey suit, a short-sleeved blue blouse and my new low heels. As I was on my own, I lacked the courage to remove my jacket at the Hairdresser's. She thought I was wearing a work suit.

When I was done, Mistress and I wandered around town a little then returned home. Mistress bought me a lipstick and some Vaseline for my lips: the Lipsalve just isn't improving them. The Vaseline seems to work a treat, though. I took off the suit and borrowed one of Mistress's skirts. It was straight and a great aid in helping me keep my knees together! However, I'm beginning to understand the problems Ladies have with sizes. The skirt was UK size 20 from Bon Marché and was a little too small, whereas my size 18 miniskirt from Dorothy Perkins is getting a little large!

Mistress painted my toenails bright red. She told me I was honoured as She hates feet.

That evening, we watched 'Why Do Men Wear Frocks?' Of course, our video recorder chewed the tape! I've written about the programme in another letter.

I tried my Aneros again before sleeping.

17.02.2005

I wore my silk lingerie and black stockings with the blue blouse and navy slacks. As soon as I pulled on the slacks I took them off and put on a panty-girdle, too. VPL! (Visible Penis Line).

We did the week's shopping a day early and we were able to go much earlier, as we're on holiday, so there were far more people about. It was quite nerve-wracking for a bit.

Late that night, Mistress opened a new bank account on-line in Her sole name. She named it His Pocket Money. Each month I have to transfer all my spare wages into this account, leaving only enough for the household bills. She'll then pay me an allowance. I now have no money. Next week I'll collect the forms to make my sole account a joint account (it is a condition of my employment that my wages be paid into an account with my name on it, so I can neither re-direct the money to my Wife's account nor remove my name from my account).

Love,

Cissy Pansy

(Curtsey)

Nancy 20050215C

468 Cissy Pansy 15.02.2005 Lyrics

(Curtsey)

Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

Over the past few days I've been listening to bits of my record collection on my iPod and several sets of lyrics seem to me to have new relevance when viewed through sissy eyes. I give for your consideration the following:

One Small Day

If the stack is high against you
And the hammer's coming down
And the time that's yours lies heavy in your hands
Oh my sentimental friend
The fast much reach an end

Lying face down on the cold stone
And they give their all to you
But their all is slipping through your hands
Oh my sentimental friend
Your time will come again

Chorus:

One day where I didn't die a thousand times
Where I could satisfy this life of mine
One small day
One day where every hour could be a joy to me
And live a life the way it's meant to be
One small day

How many times has it turned against you?
How many times will they walk away?
How many times have you let depression win the fight?
Oh my sentimental friend
We'll walk as one again

(Chorus)

How many times has it turned against you?
How many times will they walk away?

One day where I didn't die a thousand times
Where I could satisfy this life of mine
One day where every hour could be a joy to me
And live a life the way it's meant to be

One day where I wouldn't feel my senses die
Where nothing made me hang my head and cry
One day where I could see myself as others do
Where I could feel the strength of love at hand

One day where I didn't die a thousand times
Where I could satisfy this life of mine
One day where every hour could by a joy to me
And live a life the way it's meant to be

 -Ultravox

Open Your Heart

And when it hurts you know
They love to tell you
How they warned you
They say don’t be surprised
At someone’s lies
They think they taunt you
But if you can stand the test
You know your worst is better
Than their best

And so you stand here
With the years ahead
Potentially calling
With open heart
Or with a spirit dead
You walk on

Lies the reason
Faith or treason
Playing a part
End concealing
Try revealing
Open your heart
Dare to feel
Take the chance
Make the deal

Being an island
Shying from trying
Seems the easy way
Such an easy way
But there’s no future
Without tears

Lies the reason
Faith or treason
Playing a part
End concealing
Try revealing
Open your heart

But if you can stand the test you know your worst is better than their best lies the reason
Faith or treason
Playing a part
End concealing
Try revealing
Open your heart

 -The Human League

Wings Of A Dove

Take time for your pleasure
And laugh with love
Take the hand of another
And sing for the wings of a dove

Woah woah, for the wings of a dove
Woah woah, for the wings of a dove

Look up at the rooftops
When you’re walking ’round
Don’t think for a moment
Of looking down

Woah woah, (yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah) for the wings of a dove
Woah woah, for the wings of a dove
Woah woah, for the wings of a dove
Woah woah, for the wings of a dove

Ha-lellujah (lellujah)
Ha-lellujah (lellujah)

Look up at the rooftops (the roof)
When you’re walking ’round
Don’t think for a moment
Of looking down

At a room at the top
Where we’re not allowed
Cheer to the echo
Can you hear the sound?

 Woah woah, (yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah) for the wings of a dove
Woah woah, (yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah) for the wings of a dove
Woah woah, for the wings of a dove
Woah woah, for the wings of a dove

Yeah yeah yeah (etc.)

Woah woah, for the wings of a dove
Woah woah, for the wings of a dove

Et cetera

-Madness

Please let me know your thoughts.

Love,

Cissy Pansy

(Curtsey)

Nancy 20050215B

467 Cissy Pansy 14.02.2005 Photographs

(Curtsey)

Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

[I'll add the photographs later when I've had a chance to edit them].

You may remember I mentioned a few weeks ago that I've bought a cheap digital camera. I've now inflicted the consequences on you in ThHW4 in the album Cissy Pansy. While taking them, my Wife and I discovered that it doesn't have a flash, hence the yellow tinge to many of the photographs, caused by an ordinary 100 watt light bulb and yellow paint. Neither does it have

·        playback, so some of the pictures are a little blurred,

·        a decent viewfinder, so the framing's poor and

·        they're all very low definition.

I'll buy a better camera when I can afford one, but I'd rather have a corset and a decent wig.

Ruby silk nightdress and French knickers

I always sleep in a nightie, if I wear anything at all, but they're mostly cute cotton nighties. I adore this one. Mistress won't let me have a strappy nightdress - She doesn't like me too Feminine - so this is the closest I get to a baby doll nightdress just now.

The bear's called Bruno. Mistress bought him to keep me company while I was studying for professional examinations over a decade ago. I sleep with him every night I'm home (I have a different, smaller bear for easier packing on holiday).

Street sissy

The first two photographs were taken on the street where we live. Our door opens almost directly onto the pavement. I'm wearing matching silk panties, bra with enhancers and slip, my suspender belt/waspie, black stockings, white blouse, Madam's old grey trouser suit and my new navy low heels. I was very nervous because I was also wearing bracelets, a necklace and ear-rings and I'd borrowed Mistress's (empty) organiser handbag.

The other pictures in this album were taken in our back yard.

Sissy Secretary

The first few were taken candidly by Mistress while I was standing at the kitchen sink cleaning the excess nail varnish from my fingers. I'd removed the trouser suit and replaced it with the tartan mini-skirt. I replaced the navy low heels with my black Mary Jane's for the posed photos.

Silk lingerie

My favourite silk panties, bra and slip from Sulis Silks teamed with my suspender belt/waspie from Rigby & Peller and black stockings. I'm wearing my anklet under the stockings. Apart from when I used Nair, I've never taken it off.

Sissy Maid

Off with the skirt and blouse and on with my Maid's uniform and frilly panties. The dress was made to measure, but has always been large and is getting more so as I lose weight. I'm not scrubbing the floor, just sweeping with a pan and brush.

Sissy SchoolGirl

Off with the dress, frilly knickers, silk panties and slip and black stockings and on with navy wool/cotton stockings and navy Girl's PE knickers and skirt. The skirt was made to measure, too, and has always been too big, too. It's so big, it now sits on my hips (what little I have) and not my waist and this makes it look substantially longer than it is. Excluding the waistband, it's just nine inches long: I wanted my knickers to show even when I stood upright.

We'd have taken these pictures somewhere more appropriate than the kitchen but light levels were too low in other rooms.

Yellow party dress

This is my favourite for reasons you'll understand if you've read my letters. I took off everything except my panties and bra. The frilly knickers I'm wearing over the panties match the dress.

Gingham dress

The low resolution causes problems here. The material is dark blue gingham and is very soft and comfortable. This dress is made to measure and is so large it could be double-breasted. It's short, but not as short as I wanted.

The design was inspired by a drawing, a copy of which I'm posting as an attachment. I'd love to be that sissy. The picture's in .bmp format which Yahoo! won't let me put in the photos. Can anyone help there? Does anyone know the name of the artist?

Pink party dress

This is longer than the yellow party dress and much heavier. Again, the panties match.

Both this and the yellow party dress were bought from Wendy Jane in March, Cambridgeshire. They're off the peg and so fit very well!

I hope you all enjoy these. I'll add to them and/or replace them with better quality pictures as time goes by.

Love,

Cissy Pansy

(Curtsey)