Nancy 20050130

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Nancy 20050122

438 Cissy Pansy 22.01.2005

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

Mistress got angry and upset with me last night.

She'd been given a load of new clothes by Madam, as they no longer fitted Her. Hopefully they won't fit Mistress for very long either.

I arrived home late from work (as is normal) and we decided to make tea, which I cooked, then Mistress would give me a fashion show. When we'd finished eating, Mistress continued to watch TV.

After a while, I went and washed the dishes and prepared the food for the following day. Mistress went upstairs and started trying on the clothes. She came down to ask my opinion about an outfit to find me using my Psion pocket computer, although I was only doing so while waiting for some eggs to boil. Nevertheless, this upset Her.

We went upstairs and Mistress modelled the clothes. I tried on those She didn't want and kept most of them. The others just didn't suit me. I hung up my new clothes and helped Mistress tidy up. When She was very nearly finished I asked for, and was granted, permission to go online. I was downloading some pictures from ThHW2 when She came in the room. I'm always embarrassed when She sees my viewing preferences and I minimised the screen. That was a bad move.

Mistress became quite upset and, in bed, said She felt like She'd been used, though not in a bad way. I felt awful. I said I couldn't see how me using Her could be anything other than bad. She asked if I was writing about Her in my letters. I panicked and lied. I said no.

I felt awful. I keep forgetting how much Her approval and happiness mean to me. I fully expected to have to leave the group and mentally composed my letter of apology and resignation.

Mistress was fine in the morning and again when I spoke to Her at work. She could tell I was really worried and said everything was fine, but we'd talk when She got in. Mistress had a night out with Her colleagues so I had the house to myself. I checked there was nothing She wanted me to do and asked for, and was granted, permission to go online.

On the way home I went to ASDA (part of Wal-Mart) and bought a white blouse for just £3.50. I dressed in black lace-top hold-up stockings, the navy Girl's PE knickers I'd worn to work, an Après Noir bra, a short lacy slip, the new blouse, my miniskirt and Mary Janes. I looked like a tarty secretary.

I was dressed when Mistress came in. After a cuddle, we sat down, She on the sofa and me on an upright chair. I crossed my ankles, tucked my feet under my seat, folded my hands in my lap and confessed. Mistress said She felt flattered and realized I had to write about events as they happened, but She felt ignored. I had to be less blinkered when writing and pay attention to Her. She was disappointed I'd gone into Maid mode (Her words!) shortly before Her programme had ended and She'd had to try on the clothes twice; once for Her benefit then again for mine.

I apologised sincerely and thanked Her for permission to continue writing. I then looked a bit embarrassed and made a request. I explained that I thought She did a far better job of managing Her current (cheque) account than I did of mine and asked Her to manage my account and just give me pocket money. I'd use my credit card only for petrol (gas) (I commute 400 miles per week) but I asked Her to control that, too. In fact, the only bit of our finances I'll control in future is our bills account. (In the UK, most household bills are paid by direct debit, whereby the invoicing company takes a (fixed) amount from the customer's bank account every month. There's no need to pay bills). All I need to do is update the bills spreadsheet (I do all the filing anyway) and make sure the monthly transfer is sufficient. That takes a couple of hours once a year and doesn't really involve me in spending money: the bills have to be paid. Mistress kindly agreed. This was particularly embarrassing because I work in finance.

Mistress also asked why I'd stood in the corner on Sunday evening. I took my courage in my hands and explained to Her about the group, Madam Rebecca and Sissie and some of Madam Rebecca's training methods, including corner time and cuckolding. To the latter Her response was, "What a waste of time all that training would be! Just get one man and train him to do it the way You like!"

Tuesday ended much more happily than Monday.

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

PS (Curtsey) Please accept my apologies for posting this out of sequence. I wrote it on my Psion then forgot to send it to the group. (Curtsey)

Nancy 20050129B

436 Cissy Pansy 29.01.2005 B Shame And Apology

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

When writing letters to this group I have tried to take Auburn's honesty as my model. With this in mind, I must relate what came to pass late on the evening of Saturday, 29th January.
My Mistress and I were sitting eating a meal I'd cooked and enjoying a bottle of wine. The feelings I experienced are starting to fade now, so I feel the wine must be at least partly responsible for my revelation and subsequent shame.

I commented, and Mistress concurred, how much more submissive, subservient and polite I am when dressed as a Maid. It is my failing that, at present, I am not nearly so well-mannered when dressed in male clothing. It is the clothes which bring about a change in my demeanour. I said, "The clothes maketh the man," and then it occurred to me that I act in this way because I think it is expected of me when dressed as a Female. I expect Females to act in this way and I am trying to emulate Them. in other words, I think of Females as submissive, subservient and polite.

I acknowledge that politeness is a virtue but I was appalled to realise that, somewhere deep in my subconscious, I associate Ladies with submissiveness and subservience. I am a scientist and consciously try and rationalise my world and my reaction to it. Though my parents have their prejudices, I have striven to eliminate mine. (Mistress cannot see how my views came to be so different from theirs). I thought I had taught myself better and this was a very uncomfortable piece of self-knowledge.

I am deeply shocked to find I hold, albeit unwittingly, such reprehensible prejudices and I wish to apologise publicly and sincerely to all Ladies. For what it's worth, I am sorry. This is my failing and I am ashamed.

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Dear Cissy Pansy,

Although no doubt Others will respond to your post, the undersigned unworthy sissy would be inclined to suggest that you have nothing to be ashamed of in your feelings. It is, in my humble opinion, precisely this that makes it necessary for some of us to don Feminine attire and take on the experiences of being submissive and subservient, as well as the experiences of being punished, abused and humiliated: that we recognize that this has been the role that Women have been forced to take on for centuries, and from which They have not yet entirely escaped. Having been raised in a male-dominated culture, of course even the most enlightened of us males still have these ideas about Women. It is yet difficult for me to look upon a Woman, even One of exalted stature and accomplishments, and not think of Her as a sex object, even though I have tried all my life to treat Women with the utmost respect. Therefore, we sissies offer ourselves as a sacrifice; an atonement for our own sins and for the sins of all males. We undertake to experience a bit of what Women have had to endure, and in doing so we both work to correct the internalized vestiges of sexism within ourselves and also gain further respect for Women, Who have somehow managed to accomplish so much while being restricted and repressed at every turn. In corset and heels, I myself have to labour mightily just to keep from falling down or passing out from hypoxia, let alone serve others or work competently, and yet how many Women have excelled in similar circumstances? Therefore, let us continue our worship of Women, knowing we can never be their equals, and knowing that freeing ourselves from the strictures on our minds placed by society must be our life's work, never completed, but always in process and, hopefully, in progress.

So I would humbly suggest that the important thing is not that you had such a feeling, but what you do about it. As a sissy who must undertake to do the best he can without the firsthand assistance of a Mistress, I have made it a practice to constantly make note of my failings in this regard, and to undertake an appropriate punishment at the first opportunity.

In Unity,
Elise Jeanette Lesubbe

(Curtsey)
Dear Elise,

Thank you for your kind words of support.

However, I fear I may be worse than I suspected.

For some time now I have been aware of an adrenalin rush whenever I'm passed in my car by an attractive business Lady in an up-market car. It's worse when there are two of Them!
Today I was editing a message thread I'd copied from ThHW2 in which Auburn was relating the wonderful success of her Wife in Her career, baulked (for the moment) at the last hurdle by the prejudices of others. The same thing happened. I've been unable to identify the emotion and I now think it may be a conflation of two. I know it's nothing to do with the car per se and I certainly don't want to race Them (They'd be speeding in order to overtake me anyway). However, there is certainly an element of wanting to show off in order to attract Her/Their attention and I do believe I am jealous!

The upmarket car signals personal success: many Women with successful husbands let him drive the big car; They drive something smaller; more petite and Feminine. No, these Ladies are good at what THEY do and that explains my wholly inexcusable reaction to the news (albeit old) of Auburn's Wife's success, too. I've admitted that I feel frustrated and undervalued in my career (no, let's be honest; my job: even I can no longer pretend to have a career) although I am very successful, but news of male success doesn't give me the frisson of excitement that Female success does. Instead I feel resentful, angry and depressed.

Perhaps the kindest interpretation that can be given is that I want to be Them; attractive, successful and Female!

I started to write this a few days ago and I've been examining my feelings, reactions and memories quite closely over the intervening time. I had the same response when I saw the scene in one of the Matrix movies when a rubber-clad Domme and Subbe Female Couple walked into a night club. My interpretation was that They were Lesbian.

On further reflection, perhaps I'm just thrilled by the (sexual) authority radiating from a successful Lady Whom I'd love to serve.

Love,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Dear Cissy Pansy,

I deliberately waited a day to offer a response to your reply so that I might respond with deep reflection.

The issue you bring up is one that is, in fact, difficult to come to grips with and difficult to write about, because it touches on some very basic spiritual truths, and ultimately there is no way of writing about spiritual truths other than in paradox, which always sounds like a cop-out - a dodge - to someone who has not had the experience of seeing the Truth that is beyond the paradox. And this is a good example of why I so strongly feel that to be a sissy without an awareness of the broader spiritual truth being expressed and the importance of the broader spiritual context for both the individual and the world as a whole is to miss the greater part of the whole experience.

The nub of the issue comes down to the nature of human beings as it comes to spirit: to look at it one way, our highest, purest, most selfless spiritual strivings are wrought through with corruption, ego and selfishness. Perhaps the clearest expression of this can be found in the writings of the monk Thomas Merton who, despite his abstemious lifestyle, was keenly aware of his imperfection and his fallenness. To look at it the other way: the lowest, basest of human desires are expressions of the Highest Perfection and Glory. The universe was made by the Divine Being in its imperfect form because this suited Her Perfect Purpose. For a clear expression of this side of things, Meister Eckhart comes to my mind. But the most important Truth is this: that both of these perspectives are true, but both are false, because both are limited. The Truth includes both those viewpoints, utterly without contradiction. Now I know there is no way to get there logically; one can only attain that perspective by means of spiritually transformative technologies such as meditation.

Now, to apply this philosophical claptrap to the specifics of your experience: Like you, I also experience varying degrees of excitement, sometimes rather intense, when seeing Women of various kinds and sorts. What is this? Is this the male beast in me, lusting after Them, wanting to possess Them sexually? No doubt that part is still there. But the real question, to me, is what do I then do with it? Like the alchemists, whose obsession with turning base metal into gold was often thought to be a pursuit of mere chemistry or nuclear physics, but was actually a spiritual quest, like the good sissy I am, the fantasy I allow myself to indulge in when I find myself being excited by the sight of a Woman is to imagine myself serving Her, most submissively. Turning what may be a base metal into gold, I transform what might start out as a mere lecherous impulse and turn it into an awareness of my true purpose and function, my karma and my dharma, and how I can transform the world around me by doing what I want to most.

As to your being especially excited by seeing a Woman driving an expensive automobile, I too have had similar feelings, and have chided myself at my crass materialism, but upon reflection have come to realize that what I find exciting is that I imagine the Woman is powerful, and I realize that there is nothing wrong with my being excited by a Woman being powerful. And on this planet at this time, Women who are affluent are more likely to wield power than those who do not. Of course, it is good to take the time to remind myself that there are many kinds of power and some Women who have little financial power may possess great personal power and that besides that, all Women are to be respected and revered.

So do these feelings reflect your shortcomings or your strengths? Perhaps it depends on what you do with them. A truly spiritual perspective is one that enables you to take faults and shortcomings and transform them into growth experiences. And there is no doubt in my mind as I read your many posts concerning your struggles with your current transformations of your life and your relationships, you are growing spiritually.

In love and admiration,
Elise

(Curtsey)
Dear Elise,

Once again I thank you for your kind and very thoughtful words. I, too, have delayed my reply while I took the time to try and fully understand what you said. I think I do, but you'll forgive me if I don't try and explain. This letter has been further delayed by problems I've been having with my Psion. I don't get much time on-line or using the PC, so much of what I do is written on a pocket computer. I also prefer to read more detailed letters on it as I've found it to be much closer to the printed word and, therefore, easier to understand. It's psychological, I know, but real enough to me. Anyway, the Psion-PC link has been malfunctioning and I wasn't able to transfer your letter.

I'm afraid my theology/spiritualism isn't up to your standard. When I attended school, Religious Education was compulsory until age 16 (1984), but this amounted to little more than paraphrasing the Bible. At the time, I didn't believe in God, so the lessons were little more than second-rate English comprehension. Only one Teacher seemed to have any enthusiasm and Her year of lessons was easily the best. We asked to be taught comparative religion, but we were told that wasn't allowed!

Consequently, my limited knowledge of other belief systems is restricted to what I've been able to glean in passing.

Your letter contains some sound advice and I will attempt to sublimate my baser feelings. I am materialistic, but not wholly so: I've been able to restrict it to books and stamp collecting and allowing my Wife de facto control of my finances will stop these, too. I'd like to mention that the expensive cars are purely symbolic; a representation of my fantasy projection of Their personalities and lives. I have a strange sense of patriotism and, if I was driving an expensive car, I'd prefer it to be British (which these days restricts my choice to Rover and TVR!) and I really don't want the fashionable executive cars of choice; BMW and Mercedes. I drive a basic 1994 Vauxhall (GM) Astra with nearly 170,000 miles on the clock!

Here's to us all conquering our inner demons.

Love,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Nancy 20050129A

435 Cissy Pansy 20050129A

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

Today was very topsy-turvy.

Mistress and I got up late full of good intentions to clean the house and go out to buy some Ladies' shoes for me. In preparation for this, I'd used Veet (= Immac = Nair) on my feet legs up to about my sock line: Mistress won't allow me to go all the way. For the first time I painted my toenails, bright red, and re-varnished my fingernails in a clear lacquer. Mistress said I was a tart and advised me not to use colour on my toenails in Summer if I wanted to wear my sandals as my toenails would be no better than pink. I suggested I might be able to use a paler colour or clear but She didn't look impressed.

I washed Mistress's hair, shaved under my arms and dressed in my Maid's uniform. As we'd be going out, I added a panty-girdle between my silk panties and frilly uniform knickers to ensure I'd stay properly tucked and give me a smooth knicker line at the front under the Ladies' slacks I'd be wearing.

Mistress sat on the bed looking disconsolate. She couldn't decide what to wear. I started trying to get into my Maid persona and began addressing Her as Mistress and making suggestions. Mistress just looked more unhappy.

Eventually She dressed as I'd suggested and we stripped and made the bed. We went downstairs for breakfast. Mistress was looking very upset. She sat down and began to cry. I asked what was wrong and She said, "Nothing. Everything's fine."

I asked if She was upset by my clothes and She said, "No. Nothing's wrong," with tears running down Her face.

I knelt at Her feet and persisted, but, as usual, She just kept denying everything. I got up and walked to the door to change.

"No, don't!" She said.

I became impertinent and explained how bad I felt with Her first patently upset then crying but all the while insisting everything was fine. I said I knew what was wrong, that I'd been selfish, I had misjudged Her acceptance and now I wanted to dress as a man. This persuaded Her to communicate.

She WAS upset by my clothes. "When am I going to get my husband back?"

"Right now!" I said without hesitation.

"No!"

I stopped on the way to the door again.

We talked for a long time. She felt deserted. She never knew whether She'd come home to a man or a Woman. Was I going to dress en Femme all the time? She didn't want to stop me completely because She thought that would make me resentful in time. I think She finally revealed Her true feelings.

I offered to never ask to dress again and wait for Her to grant permission. She declined, saying She'd never offer. Instead we'd agree a rota, which has yet to be worked out. I explained I need Her help and support in my sissification, but I needed to know where I stood so I wasn't trying to do something which She was never going to allow, or to which She objected. As an example, I mentioned what had happened when I broached replacing my male underwear with panties and how She had been reluctant to say what She meant. Mistress then said She was fine with me wearing panties, providing I understood the risks (car crashes, etc) and that they don't arouse Her, though some of the plainer panties are fine! I was confused and we agreed to talk again when it's time to replace them.

I re-iterated why I wanted Her to help me manage my money. She was reluctant to take on the extra work so I suggested I transfer to Her all my wages, less the fixed amount needed for bills, and She could pay me pocket money out of that. She was reluctant to leave me without access to money in an emergency but I pointed out I'd still have an overdraft facility and credit card.

In the spirit of the above, I asked whether my intention of buying Ladies' shoes was a waste of Her money. She said it was my money to spend as I wanted and as She would not brook me controlling Her spending, She would not prevent me. I tried again and we discussed, to my amazement, me going out dressed en Femme. This was Mistress's suggestion! She said I'd need much better make-up and wig before I could. I'm not even dreaming of that at the moment! I said the shoes I wanted were, while Feminine, not overly-so and I was hoping to wear them outside with slacks. (Auburn mentioned that's how her Wife started). Mistress confessed to reservations about accompanying me to the shop. It was later than I'd wanted to go anyway (after four o'clock and the shop closes at five) but Mistress did say I could go straight away on my own. I need longer than that to build my courage and I wasn't sure She wasn't just humouring me. I said no and Mistress said I should use mail order instead.

In conclusion, Mistress said it was just events were happening too quickly and She needed time to adjust. We cooked and ate breakfast. I showed Her the credit card bill and explained why I'd spent the money then we started on the housework. I cleaned the bathroom in my panties, panty-girdle and waspie (I was using bleach and I've already ruined two pairs of trousers while cleaning the bathroom: I didn't want to ruin my uniform) with Marigold rubber gloves. Mistress dusted the bedroom then went to watch a television programme. With only half the bathroom done, I went down and cooked our evening meal.

Although I fully-intended to finish the bathroom that evening, I never got near it again. We opened the first bottle of wine since starting the diet and talked for hours, of which more in the B letter.

I explained more about the group to Mistress. I confessed I was undergoing anal training and was greeted by, "Yuck!" I said many Ladies enjoy anal penetration, but males have the additional benefit of prostrate stimulation. I also tried to liken the pleasure I receive from anal penetration to that She receives from vaginal penetration. I didn't convince Her.

In private correspondence, Madam Rebecca had given me a reward. I felt I should ask Mistress's permission before accepting. She expressed Her wish that I should decline, saying, "You're taken!"

Mistress can be quite protective of me.

I knelt in front of Mistress and thanked Her for Her kindness and understanding and said if there was anything I could do for Her that would make Her as happy as She'd made me, then She must tell me.

As I wrote; topsy-turvy.

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Nancy 200501.5

433 Cissy Pansy’s Second Update

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

The events below happened before I spent a weekend as a Maid.

I finally cut my nails the weekend after I visited the Post Office dressed en Femme. By this time I'd been growing them for six weeks. I hadn't shaped them for five weeks but I'll do this more often now as it made them much less obtrusive. The weekend I cut them, I varnished them with two coats of clear lacquer interspersed with coats of finishing gloss so I had a whole weekend to enjoy their smooth, glossy feel. I measured them before I cut them and the white bits were 5mm long (about a fifth of an inch). It doesn't sound much but even I thought they looked like talons and my Wife thinks my nails are long even when I think they're short!

I shaved under my arms on Christmas Eve before we drove down to stay with my Mother-In-Law. My Wife thought I was strange - She heard the buzz of Her Ladyshave. I decided it was time to do them again that weekend. I think I'll need to do it every week.

That weekend my Wife took us to an up-market local restaurant. I'd tried to take Her there for Her birthday in late December but they were closed when we wanted to go. She wanted to have one last hurrah before we started our diet and to show off her new red V-necked jumper, which Her Sister had bought Her for Christmas, together with the red plunge bra She'd just bought to accompany it. I wore plain silk panties and a matching short slip and a lacy silk bra, all in ivory. I offered to wear stockings and suspenders, but my Wife didn't encourage me. In any event, as I have no hips, in order to keep it in place and the stockings up, the suspender belt is very deep and boned - my Wife calls it a waspie - so it does restrict my stomach's ability to expand, thus reducing my appetite and that seemed a bit churlish. ("Thank You for taking me to this lovely restaurant, but I'm not hungry...") I tried on an ivory silk shirt but I needn't have bothered for all it did to hide my bra and slip: it was that obvious. I chose a navy blue silk shirt instead and was very surprised how little showed despite the fine cloth. It would seem I've an alternative to my cord shirts. I'll have to see how it looks with just a bra and no slip. I'd love to be able to go out wearing a bra in the Summer. I also wore a pair of navy trousers with a peached finish. My Wife loves the feel of them. At the last minute I got brave and slipped in my breast enhancers.

We walked the mile or so to the restaurant and enjoyed a lovely meal. I didn't feel at all self-conscious, despite my B cups being filled with my sissy chest fat and tissue and breast enhancers, until I realized I had to visit the bathroom before we walked home. Although the restaurant is upmarket, it's part of a pub located in a part of town which isn't too salubrious. The pub's clientele is a bit rough, the bar was quite full and the toilets were through the bar! I couldn't very well put my coat on so I put back my shoulders, pushed out my chest and politely said, "Excuse me, please," every few feet. No-one noticed.

I recently had a day off work by myself and decided to try an experiment. I'd read Madam Abigail's letter about how She punishes Her sissy and Female Slave by forcing them to orgasm over and over. There have also been several letters, especially from Madam Rebecca and Sissie, allowing frequent sexual release in sissies provided they are properly tucked. I wanted to see if I could combine the two.

In preparation I bought a pair of Ladies' incontinence panties from Boots and an octopus (not what you think!) The panties look like a pair of ordinary full-cut white cotton knickers with lace trim, but they have a wide gusset with a pouch to hold an incontinence pad. The gusset and much of the rear of the panties have a rustle-free waterproof lining.

The octopus is made of pink latex shaped like a figure of eight with one of the circles blind. That is, one of the circles has no hole. A near-silent bullet vibrator is imbedded in that. The other circle is a ring of very stretchy latex which slips over a sissy's little wiggle or even a man's penis with the vibrator against the glans. The vibrator is powered by a unit designed to look like a pager and which clips onto a belt or even a pair of panties. The whole is operated by a remote control which has four speed settings selected by four buttons. It looks just like a car remote control. However, and this is where my plan began to fall apart, the vibrator only works when a button is depressed and stops as soon as the button is released. Not only that, but to prevent accidental operation, such as the button being knocked when in a pocket, there is a 25 second cut out! I couldn't just slip it over my little wiggle, tuck myself, pull up my panties, trigger the vibrator and force myself to endure orgasm after orgasm.

If it had worked, the incontinence panties would have enabled me to use it anywhere without there being any danger of my slimy sperm oozing down my legs in a public place or staining my slacks. In the end I had to use one of my Wife's vibrators, which is not silent and so couldn't be used in public. In my tucked position, I found it most effective to have the vibrator inside my panties and between my bum cheeks. It took a few moments for the vibrator to take effect and my little wiggle didn't get stiff - just a little engorged - but my orgasm was overwhelming and had me wide-eyed and gasping aloud. I think it was the feeling of inevitably and loss of control (it wasn't up to me to thrust or wank (jerk-off)) that was so overpowering. I felt as if I was going to dribble my slimy sperm whether I wanted to or not. And, of course, I dribbled all over my bum.

The incontinence panties did their job and I didn't leak. Unfortunately, the vibrator had no effect after I came and so I switched it off to save the batteries. I used it again, however, a few minutes later and the feeling of helplessness was just as mind-blowing.

We'd got the vibrators out for the first time in years just the previous weekend at my instigation: my Wife isn't a big fan - She says She prefers the real thing. I used the harder pink one over her pussy. It took me a while to find a position She liked but when I did She wouldn't let me move. As She became more excited, I started to use the second softer, black vibrator as a dildo and slowly penetrated Her with it. When She'd finally fully accepted it all, I began to move it in and out, which She really liked. Soon She was enjoying a good, strong climax. I think She felt the same as me in the end; powerless and incapable of resisting Her orgasm. When She'd recovered, She instructed me to penetrate Her and climax as quickly as I could. She enjoyed that, too, but never comes twice.

For me, the best part happened when She went to the bathroom and I was able to lick both vibrators clean of Her cream. Her flavour was exquisite. (My Wife won't allow me to satisfy Her orally as She dislikes tasting Herself when She kisses me). In future I'll date these so they're easier to understand chronologically.

I hope everyone has a totally sissy weekend.

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Hello, Cissy Pansy.

Might you have any pictures of this device that you used? If not, do you happen to know where it can be purchased on the web? I'm not very clear on what exactly this octopus is, or how it's attached, etc. More information would be very appreciated.

Glad you were able to enjoy an orgasm like that of a female (tucked smooth).

Take care,
Beth :)

(Curtsey)
Dear Beth,

Thank you for asking. I was starting to feel like a Monty Python menu (spam, spam, spam...).
I don't have a picture per se but you could try either of thefollowing links:
http://www.buttontoys.com/index.htmlhttp://www.edirectory.co.uk/sexydirectory/pages/index.asp?cid=1016
You might also try Googling bullet vibrator.

I hope you've had a good weekend.

I'll post more later.

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Thank you, Cissy Pansy.

Now I fully understand what you were wearing, and made sure to save that site in my Favourites for future use. You say you came while tucked, with ONLY this as stimulation eh?? Hmmm...

Thanks for letting me know,
Beth :)

(Curtsey)
Dear Beth,

I regret my original post was not clear.

Although the octopus is pleasant enough, it only works for as long as the button is depressed on the remote control AND there is an over-ride to prevent it operating for longer than about half a minute! I'm not nearly so excitable that I can come with so little stimulation (and I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing).

You describe my plan, but the experiment was a failure as far as the octopus goes. I did come while tucked and the feelings were exquisite, but I used a traditional, hard and certainly not silent vibrator with it tucked between my buttocks and pressed against the underside of the head of my little wiggle.

The only use for the octopus of which I can think is as a paging device for my Wife/Mistress to use in summoning me (it is alleged to have a fair range but, obviously I've been unable to test it myself - my arms aren't that long!) and so far She has refused my offer on the matter! I'm vain enough to imagine Mistresses the world over placing orders as I type and perhaps Madam Rebecca in Her kinkier moments might dispense with Sissie’s bell!

I hope I'm a bit clearer this time.

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Hi, Cissy Pansy.

Thanks for the info. I now know what you were referring to and maybe Mistress will allow me to use such a device in a similar fashion as you did. I'm sure it must have been a very different experience. The only time I was able to orgasm in the same way I, too, found it very different.

Thanks again,
Beth :)

Nancy 200501.4

427 My Second Day As A sissy Maid

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

We got up later this morning (Sunday).

Madam called on the way to the supermarket for milk. She returned my padded soft cup silk bra, whose straps She had been lengthening (at full extension the band had passed under my nipples - just) and brought me a pair of Her old high-leg cami-knickers and a camisole, both in dark blue. I was so pleased and grateful. I rushed to model the cami-knickers over the pair of white cotton panties I was wearing. I was delighted they were long enough in the body. Madam asked me to try on the bra, so I did, with breast enhancers. I modelled it both with the camisole turned down and also underneath it.

After bathing, I dressed in my 'street sissy' clothes as I had done the previous evening, but with male shoes, as Mistress and Madam had been given two bicycles by a work Colleague of Mistress and we had to collect them. I wore the new stockings Mistress had bought me yesterday. Unfortunately, they're neither glossy nor opaque, but they are much longer and more comfortable. I could feel the pull of the taut suspenders on my thighs as I drove. It felt wonderful and sexy. My whole outfit felt comfortable, even though my slacks don't fit as well as they might.

We took the bikes to Madam's, as She has a large and empty garden shed. Madam invited us in for a drink. She showed me Her suspender tights (pantyhose) which I'd ordered for Her on-line earlier in the week. Her diet has worked a treat and She has good legs, even though She's in Her fifties. She showed me Her new bustier, too. She said it was a bit plain. It was plain black, but there's nothing wrong with that and it had a wonderful, pert and natural shape to the cup. I felt privileged to be treated so intimately and doubt I would have been so honoured if Madam had not been aware of my sissy status. I again offered to do any housework that might be required and expressed a preference to be dressed while doing so.

As I drove us back, I mentioned a remark Mistress had made before we left home. She'd expressed a concern that I might embarrass Her. She confirmed that I had not done so and I re-assured Her that I would not. Mistress did not think my dressing in a bra with breast enhancers and slip was appropriate for romantic dinners, but She will allow panties. I mentioned that I wouldn't be offended if She chose to expose me to others, but I'd prefer to be exposed to Ladies and as a matter of common sense She should be fairly sure of Their reaction.

When we returned home we retrieved our wheelie bin (a large, wheeled trash can) from our next door Neighbour. She's a lovely Lady in Her eighties Who was widowed nearly two years ago. She was keen to show off Her new central heating system, which was installed on Tuesday. It's the first time in 81 years She's had a warm house.

I changed into my Maid's uniform as yesterday (I didn't wear the anal training dildo as my bum was still a bit sore) and cooked tea. Mistress helped but said She felt at a loose end. After tea, I left Mistress watching The Return of the King while I did the dishes, hand-washed the silk lingerie, finished the laundry, emptied the rubbish, roasted a chicken for tea on Monday and grilled some sausages ready for breakfast in the morning.

There were frequent calls for assistance from Mistress. I asked Her to show me how to curtsey and feel there was a definite improvement subsequently, but when I checked with Mistress, She said She wasn't paying any attention. I addressed Her respectfully throughout and She became quite dismissive of me, waving me away with a flick of Her wrist when I was no longer required (though She later said this was embarrassment). I offered to buy Her a bell as I think it would be much more audible when She summons me, but She said we already have a china bell. She wouldn't let me get it for Her, though. I asked by what name She'd be addressing me and suggested my sissy name, Cissy. She said, "One step at a time."

She kindly went through a clothing catalogue with me and allowed me to show Her the Ladies' clothes I liked. We have similar tastes, so if we end up the same size we could be sharing a wardrobe!

As I was cooking the sausages I didn't have anything else suitable to be getting on with, so I awarded myself some corner time. It was surprisingly relaxing to be stood there on low heels, in all my lace and frills, facing the corner with my hands folded in my lap. I thought about the jobs I had to do next weekend, but I didn't have a care in the world! It was wonderful and I didn't burn the sausages.

I asked permission to go on-line, but before going upstairs I knelt down in front of Mistress and sincerely thanked Her for allowing me to dress and do the housework and for giving me such a wonderful weekend. I really enjoyed it.

Today (Monday) I've been out in my lunch break to buy a Thank You card for Madam for giving me the lingerie. I chose a flowery one with a lovely verse instead of my usual taste, which would be stylish and no verse. I'll address it to Her as Madam A... and sign it with my sissy name.
I've had one of the best weekends of my life and I hope you all have had, too.

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Nancy 200501.3

423 My First Day As A Sissy Maid

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

I'm nearly finished a busy day's work.

My Wife and Her Sister had a day's shopping planned in the local city, so I asked permission to wear my Maid's outfit and do some housework. My Wife agreed.

After morning ablutions, I put on Fenjal deodorant and body spray then put clear nail varnish on my fingernails. I just love that glossy feeling when I touch them. I dressed in my waspie suspender (garter) belt, black opaque glossy stockings, plain silk panties, lacy silk bra and a short silk slip.

My Wife helped fasten my rear suspender clips and remarked how short were my stockings. I then put on my black French Maid's dress. It is very short (the skirt itself is jut nine inches with a two inch frill of lace) and quite deliberately so. I added a pair of heavily frilled silky white tennis panties and a short black netting petticoat. My dress looked so much better with the skirts properly filled. I tied on my tiny little tea apron, buckled my T-bar Mary Janes and I was done.

I went downstairs and made breakfast, asking my Wife to fry the eggs (She's much better at this than me) when everything else was just about done. After breakfast I sorted the laundry, which is when my Sister-In-Law arrived. I hid for a second, just to make sure it was Her, then stood in the dining room doorway and curtsied. Neither my Wife nor Her Sister are particularly into this and They Both had a bit of a giggle. I had a great time, mincing around on my low heels, curtseying at every opportunity and addressing Them very respectfully. Madam Rebecca, I wish You had been there to give me the spanking my no-doubt atrocious and pathetic attempts at curtseying deserved. I am ashamed to admit it's not something I've practised very often. I soon realised I could no longer call Them by Their names, so I opted to address my Wife as Mistress and my Sister-In-Law as Madam. In all this I could feel my little wiggle trying to swell despite its tucking.

I read the list of chores I'd drawn up and Mistress told me my priority was to clean the oven, do the laundry and scrub the kitchen floor. I requested and was granted permission to wash the dishes and wipe the bench tops before starting on the cooker.

Mistress asked me to remind Her what Her shopping list was and I respectfully requested She buy me a pair of longer stockings. I curtsied as they left, hiding behind our front door, which opens almost directly onto the street, which is the first residential street off the main shopping street, so it's quite busy – hence my discretion. Before They left, I asked Them not to laugh at me behind my back, but to my face, if They wanted to laugh at me at all.

Then the fun began. I really enjoyed my work. It was nice just to be able to do something without loads of pressure (I work in sales). I pulled on a pair of yellow rubber gloves (we looked for pink, but our supermarket doesn't stock them) and did the dishes. I decided to remove the gloves at the earliest opportunity after nearly dropping a glass, despite holding it in two hands!
With the dishes done, I nipped upstairs to the bathroom and retrieved my new Crystal Jellies Anal Starter butt plug by Doc Johnson and bought from Bionic Tonic. It's six inches long and quite slim so slid in very easily when properly lubricated. I had to buy a clear model as they were out of stock of the pink one. I'd tried it a few times yesterday, but it had become quite painful after no more than half an hour. With my bum properly filled, I went back to work.
I wiped the benches and started on the cooker. The pain in my bottom started after about half an hour again, but I was determined to push myself a bit further. The work distracted me but after an hour I began to feel a little nauseous, so I took a toilet break. In the past, that would have been the end of my experiment, but I decided to re-insert the silicone penis. In the end I wore it from two o'clock in the evening until eight. It was painful at times, but moving around seemed to help and most of the time I forgot it was there.

I phoned Mistress and asked Her to let me know when She and Madam were returning so I could have a pot of tea ready for Them, then got on with the cooker. I spent nearly five hours on it and virtually dismantled it. It's still not perfect, but it's very nearly so.

Mistress phoned just as I sat down after six hours non-stop. She told me not to bother starting to wash the kitchen floor, but I did sweep it on my hands and knees with a pan and brush. I didn't dare start to hand wash the silks as the wire wool had ripped my nails to shreds. So much for a lovely glossy feel!

I heard Them pull up in Madam's car and opened the front door just as Mistress got there, curtseying as I did so. It was too busy for me to risk going out and helping to unload the parcels, though. Madam was surprised I was still in my uniform.

After I served Them Their tea, I requested permission to change in order to complete my next chore. Mistress enquired to its nature and I said I wanted to take the waste paper for recycling. The recycling bins are in a supermarket car park which we overlook and are about 100 yards away as the crow flies, though a bit further as the sissy minces. Mistress said we'd do it tomorrow, but I requested permission to do it myself today as I wanted to wear my Mary Jane shoes and I only wanted to do that after dark. She graciously acceded to my request.

I removed my dress, tea apron, frilly panties and the netting petticoat and pulled on my Ladies' slacks. They're navy, flat fronted and have a side zip. I slipped on a red chiffon blouse with three-quarter sleeves and a cowl neck then went back downstairs for inspection. Madam said She wanted my blouse, but it's way too big for Her at size 22 – She's down to size 14 now. She also asked about trying on my Maid's dress for Her boyfriend and Mistress told Her I have some nice party dresses, too. However, Madam's had a bad headache all day and decided She didn't want the fuss. It felt strange curtseying without a skirt.

I piled up the waste paper in two plastic boxes on a luggage trolley and set off. It's the first time I've been out with Ladies' shoes on. I also wore Mistress's red fleece, but it was zipped no more than two inches. My blouse was plain to see. I just wanted a slight disguise as I was not wearing a wig or make-up. Having worn my heels in the house, I was quite surprised what a click-clack they made. I was also surprised how busy it was at eight o'clock and the car park is very well lit. I took care to time my walk so as to avoid other people as far as possible, but three cars passed me as I was leaving and I caught up to an elderly couple who kept stopping. I tried to walk as quietly as possible. They took a different turn and I walked past them but he turned and glanced down. I hope he was looking at my luggage trolley!

Upon my return I asked Madam if She'd kindly either alter my dresses (my Maid's dress has always been too big, though it was made to allegedly measure and I do know how to use a tape measure!) or make me new ones. We discussed my appearance. Madam thought I had good legs, though my stockings were short, and a slender figure in my slacks and blouse, but I had no hips. Mistress agreed and said She liked my bum. It was agreed I'll need a corset when we've finished our diet. Madam remarked that Mistress should get out Her whip. Mistress said I wouldn't let Her buy one. I requested permission to speak in my defence and tactfully reminded Mistress that I had suggested She use a cane or tawse instead. (I know these are all instruments of punishment, but in my mind a whip will always be associated with torture and I don't mean sexual). However, upon reflection, I realized I had no right to try and restrict Mistress's freedom of action and, when Madam had gone, showed Her a catalogue I'd just received from the Muir Academy in order to make Her choice. She declined, saying She'd never be able to bring Herself to use it.

Madam finished Her tea and left, but not before I offered to clean Her house whenever She wants. She wouldn't mind me wearing my uniform and Her house is much more secluded than ours.

Mistress and I had a talk. She told me how pleased She was that I was helping a lot more with the housework, but She didn't want me to do it all. (However, it's early days yet). At the moment, She's not too comfortable with me addressing Her as Mistress, either. I requested that She take charge more often. I explained that it was much easier for me to serve and obey Her when I was properly dressed as a sissy and I enjoyed doing as I was told. Nor is She too sure about that. I suppose I'll have to earn Her trust by immediately obeying Her every remark. It's my own fault for trying to be a male all these years.

Mistress told me I needed hair to pass as a Woman and I requested permission to buy a better wig than the very cheap one I now have. I'm not sure She'll be more comfortable with me as a sissy in Women's clothes or a sissy trying to pass. I asked if She'd help me with make-up and She readily agreed, so long as I didn't expect sex, because my dressing does not arouse Her. I mentioned we make love before we rise anyway.

I've taken far too long writing this and I don't have time to change back into my Maid's uniform or hand wash the lingerie before I cook tea. Mistress wants to try spaghetti Bolognese with cabbage instead of spaghetti (we're on the Atkins diet). It sounds interesting.

I can't believe how well today's gone.

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)