Nicola's Sissy Nancy

Nancy 20050305

2009-09-28T22:13:00.000+01:00

510 Nancy 20050305

(Curtsey)

Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

This week I've done nearly all the cooking as well as washing all the dishes. At one point I had to less-than-tactfully chase my Mistress from the kitchen as She wanted to start helping just as Her favourite television programme was about to begin. In my book, that's tantamount to leaving the table just as the food's put down! I'm the one who's supposed to be making sacrifices! She seemed happy enough five minutes later.

05.03.2005

My plan seems to have worked and better than I'd intended.

When Mistress and Madam had the tea party for me so I could wear my yellow party dress, I'd gone to Madam's to collect Her after work. While I was waiting, I washed the dishes and tried to wipe down Her benches, somewhat unsuccessfully as they were covered in grease. I suggested to Mistress that She and Madam might want to visit Their Mother (with Whom I get along very well, incidentally) when Madam next had a weekend off and I'd stay here and clean Madam's kitchen.

Well, the next weekend was this weekend. Madam took a few days holiday and drove down to Burton-on-Trent earlier in the week. Mistress went by train last night, which was my Mother-In-Law's birthday. So They'll be with Her for both Her birthday and Mothering Sunday and I'll be able to visit my Mother tomorrow.

Mistress kindly suggested we go shopping on Thursday night instead of Friday, so last night I was able to get on with housework. I stripped and made our bed, sorted the dirty linen and started the laundry. I emptied our glasses cupboard, cleaned it and washed and dried all eighty glasses. I'd left home before eight in the morning, returned just after seven and it was nearly midnight before I finished. I spent an hour working through e-mail then it was off to a cold bed. I didn't get to sleep 'til gone two and I was up again at half-six.

The only good thing about being here on my own is that I get to eat some things that Mistress doesn't like. I had donner meat last night (I'm on the Atkins diet so I couldn't have the whole kebab) and I've just eaten sirloin steak in a cream and mushroom sauce with prawns. I'm cooking chicken breasts in white wine and garlic olive oil with onion, cheddar and Parmesan cheese for Mistress and Madam when They return tomorrow.

As I'm on my own I had to get the car into our yard by myself. We live in the centre of a party town (we once counted forty pubs (bars) within a mile of where we live and we've got a river less than 400 yards to our North and the North Sea about the same distance due East so they're all in a single quadrant!) and the car tends to get vandalised by drunks returning home if left on the street at weekends. With less than six inches total spare width at the gate, it's awkward, but the time-consuming bit is opening and closing the back gate, which does a good impression of Fort Knox, the response to one burglary and two attempts about twelve years ago. Anyway, I changed into my Femme clothes, including a red chiffon blouse with three-quarter sleeves and a scoop neck, before opening the gate. I got brave and even ventured into the back lane to move an abandoned wheelie-bin (the lane's barely as wide as my car is long (and I don't have a long car) so obstructions are to be avoided) and fully intended to get into the car, which was parked on the front street, dressed as I was, but a taxi was parked twenty yards behind with its headlights on. If you know your Douglas Adams you'll be familiar with the Daring, the Audacious and the Suicidal Insanity. I decided the trip into the lane had been daring, walking to the car seemed audacious, but in headlights...

When I got up this morning I transferred last night's washing into the tumble-drier and put another load into the washing machine then set my Psion to be restored before getting washed. It's the second time it's crashed this week: it just won't start until I re-set the factory settings and then restore the memory from our PC. Of course, I'm never near the PC when it goes down. Does anyone have any suggestions?

I cooked breakfast (Cumberland sausages, fried eggs and bacon with a pot of Old Sibolga (a truly excellent Indonesian coffee; strong but not at all bitter) and double cream: it's more allowable than milk!), sorted the last washing load then organised myself for the trip to Madam's. I went to the local supermarket in my panties, panty-girdle, waspie, stockings, bra, slip, blouse, slacks and low heels (plus a fleece and hat; Winter's into its second week) and fought my way through the scrum to the flowers to buy a bunch for Madam as a thank You for Her letting me clean Her house. (I sent a bunch to Mistress at work on Monday. She's the envy of Her colleagues as it's the second bouquet at work this year. Opinion's divided as to whether we're at it like rabbits all weekend or I'm living in the dog-house. Some people have no romance).

I loaded the car according to my list and drove to Madam's where I changed into my flat shoes (if the furrows in my feet from my low-heels get any more agricultural I'm going to start sowing crops) and my Maid's uniform. Madam had finished altering my new leotard and I tried that on, too. The fit's much better, but it squashes my breast enhancers. On the other hand, there's no hiding them, either! I realised I'd forgotten my net underskirt (the one in the dress isn't really enough on its own) and my PVC apron, so I had to make do with my frilly little tea apron. I didn't wear my beloved silk lingerie as I've realised that many of my coloured outer clothes leach colour and it takes many washes to get the colour out of ivory silk. The culprits include the red blouse and my Maid's uniform. So much for dye technology: this was supposed to be sorted in the nineteenth century.

The flowers went into the vase of Mistress's I'd brought, which was just as well as I couldn't find one at Madam's, and I started cleaning at half-twelve. I spent over six hours cleaning the outside of the cupboard doors, the hob, benches and the outside of the oven. It's a small kitchen and I didn't hang around.

I ran a bowlful of hot water and added Flash. I soaked the cloth (a scrubber for use on Teflon-coated pans) then added neat Flash to the cloth. The result was indifferent, so I switched to a harder scrubber with Amway's Liquid Organic Cleaner (LOC) - neat (it's normally used in 0.5% vol/vol solution (5ml per litre = 1000ml)). The results were better, but not good. I ended up washing everything in neat Flash, going over it with neat LOC, repeating both steps then rinsing with a damp cloth. Well, it's clean, but not perfect and I haven't even started on the inside of the cupboards.

At this point, about seven o'clock, I was beginning to doubt my sanity, but I rattled through the bathroom and vacuumed the entire house all in the next hour and a half. I've since spoken to Mistress and told Her I'll need to go back to finish another weekend. I can't do it tomorrow as I'm visiting my Mother in the morning and then Mistress has told me I have to do some studying for a professional qualification I need.

While I was working, I was listening to files from www.WarpMyMind.com on my iPod, but so quietly I couldn't really here them. I hope they work subliminally! Has anyone had any success with these files or should I just listen to ?

Besides the bouquet, I left a Thank You card. I wrote, "Dear Madam A---,

Many thanks for allowing me to clean Your lovely home: it was a pleasure.

Thank You also for my lovely leotard. It fits really well.

Love,

Nancy

I've got a Thank You card for Mistress, too. Between the flowers and cards, that's my pocket money for the week spent!

I'll be wearing my male disguise when I go to see my Mother tomorrow. My family doesn't react well to good news (my promotion to manager resulted in my Mother accusing me of graft and corruption, which took the shine off things a little) never mind what they'd see as a perversion.

Madam Rebecca, if You've got this far first, thank You and second, I seem to remember reading Your standard for promotion to Maid, which was, I believe, for the sissy to clean house for two Ladies, in addition to cleaning for his Mistress. I'm cleaning for my Mistress and Madam, so that leaves one more. When I was seventeen, my Mother wasn't well and I used to leave school during my study periods in order to do the housework (mostly dusting, polishing and washing dishes) every day. Does this qualify as my second house, or should I duck?

It's now nearly midnight and, although I'm physically shattered, I'm nowhere near as mentally tired as I get after a day in the office. Weird.

Good night!

Love,

Nancy

(Curtsey)

20050305 State-sponsored Mistress

2009-09-28T22:10:00.000+01:00

509 State-Sponsored Mistress

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca,

You said, "you notice I don't ask for government subsidies to train males into useful people: I take the responsibility and do it Myself." What if such employment were available?

I respectfully ask You to spend ten minutes of Your time listening to the programme at the end of this link (You'll need to fast forward through the first nineteen minutes):
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/noscript.shtml?/radio/aod/radio4_aod.shtml?radio4/fooc
Now, reverse the roles, make some judicious alterations to Your official work rota, convince the Swiss that Montana is a canton (with a name like Montana You must have the right topography there!) and voilá; a state-sponsored Mistress!

Sorry, but I couldn't resist that one!

Love,

Nancy
(Curtsey)

Dear Nancy,

Sorry, but I would not participate in a state-sponsored anything.

Big Brother does not know what is best for us; he only knows what is best for him. No program is perfect and under any system some get left out in some way. But I believe in power to the people and not in taking care of the people.

Montana was named so because of its mountains but we also have what are called High Plains. The lowest point in Montana is 1,800 feet and the highest is over 14,000 feet. We have mountains here where it is 100 miles between roads; temperatures that have reached as low as -76°F and I have seen them as high as 110°F so it is a state of extremes and I guess I am one of them. But I am a self-sufficient person and so are most others in this state.

I live here because of the freedoms it affords. This was the only state to have no daytime speed limit until the highway patrol discovered they were losing money. Funny thing, though, they cited safety, but what’s even funnier - or sadder really - is that the death toll went down when the speed limit went off and it went back up when they put it back on. Why? Because as I said it was a no daytime speed limit. People drove more in the day time than at night, not near the drunks and not near the black bulls standing in the middle of the road. If you hit a slow moving drunk or a 2,200 pound black bull at 95mph then you have a problem so for our safety, big brother protected us and killed more people and took away a freedom. It's a bad idea to get me started down this road. I could become the picture book Mistress with a big whip if I was a state-sponsored Mistress and the House and the Senate would be really sore for a while!

Madam Rebecca

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca,

I think the clip makes Your point. If it hadn't been broadcast on the BBC, I wouldn't have believed it. As it was, I checked the date (even the BBC isn't immune to April 1st. There was an infamous item on Italy's starving farmers following a failure of the spaghetti harvest).

I had a customer who ran a cleaning company in Zurich and now I know why he was so well-off. He bemoaned the state of their economy. Their roads were clogged with juggernauts pounding from one part of the EU to another, filled with goods destined for shops, none of which were ever available inside Switzerland. I used to characterize the town in which I worked at the time as, "It used to be a one-horse town, but the horse died." Nevertheless, to him the local supermarket was a shopping paradise.

I can imagine You sitting shaking Your head in despair as You sat listening. I know I did!

It's Mothering Sunday here in the UK. I don't know if You have anything similar in the US, but I'd like to wish You and all the other Ladies in the group, and especially the Mothers, a great day. May Your families shower You with the love and respect You deserve.

Love,

Nancy
(Curtsey)

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca,

There's not much in the UK that's over 1800' and it's such a small and crowded group of islands the roads are never a hundred miles apart, though there are places where one can walk all day without seeing another person. The closest area to me like that is the Northumbrian hills, about an hour's drive away. We're not much ones for temperature extremes either, though I think somewhere broke through 100?F last year. More worryingly, Winter seems to have been abolished. We haven't had a cold one in years and my Wife's rose bushes have been in leaf since January, having last flowered in November.

However, Blake knew whereof he spoke when he wrote of, "England's green and pleasant land." It really is a stunning sight when one is coming in to land at a British airport after a fortnight in the Mediterranean. The country's just so green.

Our roads are simultaneously the most crowded and safest in Europe. The latter isn't hard when one considers that driving's a contact sport in Italy, for example! (I once saw three drivers reversing on autostrada within the space of a mile). As for the congestion, that's only too easy to believe. Speed limits seem to be 1mph more than the slowest articulated lorry. (Sorry: rant imminent!) I do know a policeman who totalled a cow at 60mph on a country lane. Totally totalled.

I see Lewis and Clark passed through Great Falls. I looked it up in my copy of their journals hoping to find something interesting - a description, perhaps - but it was all about the people they met and not much of that, either. They were great explorers, but I think their true spirit of adventure lay in their approach to spelling. I was surprised to see how close You are to Canada. My geographical knowledge of North America is appalling: we were always doing volcanoes and Europe - I could have written an amazing essay on the bistros of the fishing ports of Northern France when I was sixteen (not that it was easy to distract the geography teacher!)

Have fun!

Love,

Nancy
(Curtsey)

Dear Nancy,

Thank you and yes we have one called Mothers Day here later in the year.

Madam Rebecca

Dear Nancy,

We are getting way off topic here but you pique my interest. As I have never been to England I can not comment much about your island nation, but some day I plan to get there as I am fascinated by history; real history, not the 8th grade stuff.

Lewis and Clark stand out in history as great explorers because of what they accomplished. England had some great explorers as well: one group, the name escapes me, tried Africa, but most were killed if I remember and then there was the man who went to Antarctica and lost his ship and his name escapes me right now as well but a very honourable man when his men were concerned. Australia had a similar group that did not make it and McKenzie went across Canada before Lewis and Clark did. But what makes L & C stand out is that they documented everything; collected everything. Lost one man, Sergeant Floyd, to appendicitis, named many of our Western rivers whose names still stand. In the Great Falls area alone they named the Marias River and Smith River; they gave it the name of the Great Falls and described the area very well.

There have been many books written about these famous explorers but there is only one set that is accurate and that is the 12 volume set edited by Gary E. Moulton, University of Nebraska Press. It is an expensive set of journals and one must truly love this kind of history to justify them for their collection. These journals are transcribed from the hand written notes of the explorers and several of the sergeants in the group. They are very redundant, but give slightly different views of the same experience.

There are a few other interesting issues that these explorers were the first to do. It was the first time a Woman (also an Indian) and a black were permitted to vote! It was probably the only time a superior officer was shot by an enlisted man and no charges brought. It provides an unequalled accurate picture of the Indians before they were influenced by the whites and it provides a real picture of habitat and wildlife populations and health before whites influenced them as well. So not only can one learn about the trek but one can also gain an in depth picture of what the country and people were like before whites invaded. And what I learned is that whites get blamed for a lot they did not have influence on.

So anyway, now you know I am a history buff as well.

Madam Rebecca

Greetings, everyone.

Madam Rebecca, I have enjoyed reading Undaunted Courage by Stephen E. Ambrose, and have crossed the continental divide five times myself. It is amazing what these men and Woman accomplished. Sacagawea had a very interesting effect on the men. Early in the trip when a boat was swamped it was She Who maintained Her cool and saved the day and possibly the trip. Captain Lewis was certainly a better frontiersman then a businessman. The demise of his life certainly came as a surprise to me. Not at all like 8th grade history.

I believe the Englishman's name which escaped You is Sir Ernest Shackleton of the ship Endurance. It is astonishing that he lost no men on his Antarctic expedition. Shackleton knew men must stay busy or they would falter so the daily routine was a schedule of chores in the middle of nowhere. Another good book is THE ENDURANCE by Caroline Alexander.

Thank You for allowing this submissive to contribute. There is nothing as powerful, or sexier, than the Female mind.

With respect,

Dana

Madame Rebecca may also have meant Sir Robert Falcon Scott, who did NOT make it back from Antarctica, but died a few miles from the South Pole.

One of my personal favourites is the Royal pirate, Sir Francis Drake whose journeys and explorations are shrouded in mystery and intrigue. (Kind of the opposite of Madame Rebecca's admiration of Lewis & Clark's documentation I guess)

In a new book called "The Secret Voyages of Sir Francis Drake" (I think), there is new evidence (ie coins found in what would have been native settlements, etc.) that Drake, fleeing the Spanish, made it up the Pacific Coast as far as the North tip of Vancouver Island. It's incredible to imagine he may have been the first European up in the Pacific NW (by quite a bit -- next I believe was Cook, in 1774) and not got any credit for it.

Oh to go back in time and be a sissy Maiden on an exploring ship ;)

sissyschoolgirlbc

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca,

I'm aware that I was off-topic and I thank You for being tolerant. I promise this will be the last off-topic letter, unless I'm responding to specific questions.

Might I recommend to You the Folio Society? They produce high-quality hard-backed books in slip cases and a fair proportion of their publications is history books. For example, I have single-civilization texts covering the Egyptians, Hittites, Persians, Babylonians, Incas, Aztecs, Maya, Vikings, Normans and Celts as well as accounts of exploration from the likes of Captain Cook, Richard Burton and Lewis and Clark. I had a suspicion my Lewis and Clark was abridged, but they've also just published the unexpurgated version of Pepys' Diary.

If You like history You'll love Britain. It's hard to throw a rock without hitting something historic. For example, the company for which I work has an American Chief Executive and one of the first things he said was, "This Company is older than my country." I sometimes pass lorries from the Shore Porters Society, based in Aberdeen and founded in the thirteenth century. North East England isn't considered a heritage hot-spot, but there are two world heritage sites; Hadrian's Wall and the Durham castle and cathedral site, which rivals the Alhambra in Grenada. There are numerous amazing castles and historic houses, including Alnwick castle, which was the setting for the original Harry Potter movie, not to mention that town dear to the hearts of all Americans and the ancestral home of the original George W, Washington CD (County Durham).

I'm as proud as the next sissy of the area in which I live but, just to show I can curb my prejudices, the same could be said of much of Europe. Italy's wonderful and my Wife and I spent a week exploring Valleta in Malta and that's tiny!

Thank You for Your understanding and my next letter will be very much on-topic.

Love,

Nancy
(Curtsey)

Dear members,

Actually it was Shackleton.

First, First Maid Angela Brown has a very good story about a captain’s boy who becomes a sissy.

Madam Rebecca

Dear Nancy,

History is relevant in our topic as well, because it is through the history of petticoat punishment, first used in England, that I first became interested in training males. Travelling the world offers one a much better perspective of life and understanding of why others think or feel the way they do.

For example, I was always impressed with the beautiful artefacts that belonged to the royals displayed in American museums in the US, but having travelled to Germany and seen some of the real things, there is no comparison. People who never leave home have a clouded view of history, people and how life is. What may be considered un-masculine here is not there, which teaches one that it is a perceived idea and not one with any substance. Therefore there is nothing inherently wrong with putting a male in a Maid’s uniform and treating him as a servant even if he is Your husband.

Madam Rebecca

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca,

For what it's worth, I agree. I think an appropriate quote is, "The past is a foreign country." I'm appending an extract from another, longer letter I posted yesterday, which might be relevant, too.

Love,

Nancy
(Curtsey)

Recently, I've also been considering some parallels I can see between sissiness and medieval courtly love. Let me explain. In the Arthurian Romances of Chrétien de Troyes, he writes of Sir Lancelot, who is required to ride in a cart - which, apparently, was a great and public humiliation - in order to save Queen Guinevere - and he wasn't allowed to explain himself. Later, he captures a Maiden but is unable to have sex with Her, as he is sworn to the Queen. The story seems contrived to modern eyes, but, then again, the average enforced Feminization story is nothing if not contrived and even the true stories of the likes of you [Sissie] and Auburn would be widely disbelieved in the vanilla world, I'd warrant. I've also read a review of an Arthurian romance where a knight stands with downcast eyes while the Lady undresses, safe in the knowledge he wouldn't dare look.

Although this is not sissification, there is a clear theme of Female Domination and male submission to a Female in the midst of rip-roaring tales of traditional manliness and feats of arms.

It seems to me that courtly love has some similarities with a Mistress/submissive male relationship. In both cases there is no possibility of marriage or even sex between the Female and male. The Lady is often married to someone else and She may have several champions, or submissives, vying for Her favours. Obviously, your situation presents a variation on that. Eventually courtly love was banned by the Church as it was felt it represented a real threat to marriage.

20050305 Maids' Nightmare

2009-09-28T21:56:00.002+01:00

508 Maids’ Nightmare

(Curtsey)
Dear sissies,

Maids' Nightmare

So you think you keep your Mistress's house spick and span?

Your Mistress inspects your work wearing white gloves, so you think you could pass any inspection?

Think again.

I've just heard an item on BBC's Radio 4 that will make you think you're a novice (as opposed to me: I know I'm a novice).

Follow this link:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/noscript.shtml?/radio/aod/radio4_aod.shtml?radio4/fooc

You'll need to fast forward about nineteen minutes in total to get to the particular item. Listen and weep!

And if anyone's Mistress gets any fresh ideas, I apologise.

Love,

Nancy
(Curtsey)

Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

Go in 23 minutes... not 19 minutes (19:23)

Beth :)

(Curtsey)
Dear Beth,

Sorry about that, but what did you think? Talk about Big Brother...

Love,

Nancy
(Curtsey)

[I heard an item on the BBC Radio 4 programme “From Our Own Correspondent” in which a Reporter was selling Her Swiss apartment. The local authority sent round an inspector to ensure that the property was fit for sale. The inspection found numerous faults, such as fingerprints on the stainless steel flue in the basement, and revealed that She hadn't disconnected the water supply, removed the taps and polished inside the water pipes!]

Nancy 20050225

2009-05-04T11:33:00.001+01:00

491 Nancy 20050225

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

22.02.2005

Madam dropped off some more clothes that no longer fit Her for my Wife to try. She also returned my yellow party dress, which She has repaired, and She's made up my first leotard from the black material with sparkling gold cross-hatching. It looks quite dressy and Christmassy. I won't be able to wear it in public at this stage of my development, though, as it's too obviously Feminine. I'll have to see what the navy blue Lycra and purple velvet look like. We've decided the zip needs to be removed from the back to get a better fit and She's told me to get some gold or black ribbon so She can take out a two inch section from the middle to shorten it a little - it sags a bit in the crotch!

I wore it all evening with a pair of lacy white cotton panties and my navy slacks. The house is now covered in gold glitter!

23.02.2005

Despite getting washed and shaved, the first thing that was said to me today at work was, "Why have you got glitter on your face?"

Whoops!

I said my Wife had been wearing a new glittering top. Sorry and I stand ready to receive any punishment You might think this merits.

24.02.2005

See 23.02.2005!

My Wife took a bath this evening and I got in when She got out. I bemoaned the fact that my legs were getting hairy again and were no longer smooth.

"They were never smooth: that's the whole point!" She said.

"Maybe I'll have to try waxing them again."

"You've never waxed them."

"Okay, but I did sugar them before we went to Italy in 2003."

"You'll have to find a Beautician Who's willing to do it where you work and go after work."

"And You don't mind?"

"I'll put up with it. Mind, I don't know how you'll pay for it because it'll cost you a fortune and you only get £10 a month pocket money!"

Yippee and much wailing and gnashing of teeth!

I think I'll file away this conversation with one we had recently when I had collected Mistress from Madam's after work one evening. We drive past some lovely old detached houses. They're very large but we've daydreamed for years about owning one. Two are for sale at the moment. At about £500,000, they're way out of our league, but I said to Mistress that, if we had a large football pools or lottery win, we'd sell our house and buy one with Madam. I'd give up work and be Their Maid. Madam likes to work and Mistress would work part-time for the social aspects. I'd like to go to the local college and study beauty therapy and secretarial skills. We also talked about replacing the car and Mistress said She'd like a pink Honda Jazz. I agreed.

To my surprise, Mistress seemed to like the daydream and was still in agreement when I reminded Her of it a few days later. Wish us luck!

Deep down, I think I'm an introvert. I have to be extrovert in my job, but if someone else is prepared to be dominant in a social context and is doing a good job of leadership or if I have nothing to say, I'm quite able to fade into the background, to the surprise of those who think they know me, as well as mine, to be honest. I've come to think of the extrovert me as just a mask I wear, along with the rest of my male persona. I'm not a real sissy yet, but I do think I'm already more comfortable with my sissy self.

26.02.2005

I collected some books from the Post Office. My last hurrah before I gave up my money was to buy two books: "Panties: a brief history" and "Bra: a thousand years of style, support and seduction." I'll let you know more when I've read them.

There'll not be much to tell this weekend as Mistress has requested I dress-up as a male. However, I did mention the daydream again and She didn't object in the least. Indeed, She's quite taken with the idea of a pink car.

Oh, I nearly forgot. I've asked Mistress and Madam what they thought about my name. They're not in favour of it. Madam prefers Caroline, but Mistress has given me some of Her handkerchiefs with Her first initial embroidered on and She says I must adopt that. She's chosen Nancy for me, so that's how I'll be signing myself in future. It is a name I considered before choosing Cissy Pansy.

Love,

Nancy
(Curtsey)

Nancy 20050219

2009-05-04T11:31:00.000+01:00

480 Cissy Pansy 19.02.2005

(Curtsey)

Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

I've had a wonderful time!

18.02.2005

We arose early as I had an appointment with the optician. I dressed in my silk lingerie, panty girdle, opaque black hold-up stockings, navy slacks and navy low heels. I didn't have a blouse in which I could pass, so Mistress lent me one of Hers. It had even blue and white stripes with a plain white collar and white cuffs. The sleeves were a little short (they're short on Mistress, too), so She showed me how to wear them unfastened and turned back.

After the eye test (better than 20:20 vision, much to Mistress's annoyance), we went to a dance wear shop and bought more material for leotards. I chose navy blue lycra and purple stretch velvet. The Shopkeeper said, "Is it for You?" addressing my Wife. The best I felt able to say was, "Yes, it is." Strictly, She'd left the question's subject open and I answered truthfully. Perhaps I'll be able to be more forthcoming next time.

We returned home and cooked breakfast. I changed my low heels for my flats and Mistress said I could wear them in Winter as shoes, too (as opposed to sandals in Summer) if I wore opaque stockings.

I went to Madam's to collect Her after work and bring Her to ours for a tea party. While I was waiting, I washed and dried Her dishes and tried to give things a quick wipe over. To my horror, I found that whereas our house is basically clean but often untidy, Madam's is tidy but not clean. Her kitchen was thick with grease!

Seconds later I received a phone call from Mistress. Madam had driven straight to ours from work so She could have Her car as an escape route if She wanted one. I had an idea. Madam has every other weekend off and I suggested to Mistress that They both go to see Their Mother, Who lives nearly 200 miles away, in a fortnight's time, leaving me behind to do housework. This means I'll be able to start early (Mistress is a late riser) and work longer as I won't be worried about Madam coming back and trying to help. I'll also be able to do some of the longer jobs I want to do at home, too.

I returned home and put on my yellow party dress. I took off my panty girdle and replaced it with the lace-ruffled panties which matched the dress. Madam commented that it fitted me much better than my Maid's dress.

For just the second time, I was allowed to wear make-up. Mistress made up my face, though I made a hash of the eyeliner, though I did better with the lip liner and mascara. Mistress also sorted out my wig then painted my fingernails bright red. Madam was amazed at my transformation. She said from a few feet my face was completely Feminine and She'd never know from my face that I was a male, although I lacked a Feminine figure. I felt wonderful. I've added some more photographs to my album in ThHW4. Mistress and I think I'm unrecognisable.

Madam looked great, too. She's lost a lot of weight and was using the meal as an excuse to try a new little black dress in a safe environment. Unfortunately, Her hair is grey and won't take colour or She'd lose at least ten years (She's 53).

Mistress and Madam cooked the meal. As I was wearing my party dress, my only duty was to set the table (but I made up for this by preparing an equally nice meal on my own the next night). Mistress wanted to try moussaka and it took ages to make (about two hours of preparation, never mind cooking), but it was delicious. I got away with only three disasters: concealer and foundation on the frill at my neck; lily pollen from Mistress's St Valentine's Day bouquet (be warned, sissies, that stuff can stain so easily) which I was able to brush out straight away; and, at the end of the evening when Mistress untied my sash and unzipped my dress so I could undress myself, I stood on the ribbon when climbing the stairs and tore a hole in my dress, but Madam says it will be easy to repair.

During the meal, I set Madam's place at the head of the table. She said, "Surely you should be sat at the head of the table?" but then corrected Herself, "But then again, you're no longer the man of the house, are you?" She wanted to know why I called my Wife Mistress, but She only got Madam. "I hope you don't think I'm a 'madam'!" I explained it was meant with the greatest respect and as a means of differentiating Her from Mistress then Mistress and I said together, "Besides, You're not his/my Mistress: I/She am/is!"

I knelt in front of Them and thanked Them for the meal, Their tolerance and Their understanding. Madam said it was all quite normal until I drew attention to the fact that I wasn't really a Girl and Mistress agreed.

Mistress mentioned that I do a lot of cooking, though it's often a team effort, but I don't make a big song and dance about it. Madam said many males cook, but then expect it to be the main topic of conversation for days. I said I found that very strange. I find a simple thank you to be more than sufficient.

It was a good evening. Mistress and I slept on a sofa-bed in the spare bedroom and we fulfilled one of Madam's fantasies: to sleep in a four-poster bed. If I'd known, She could have done that years ago!

Love,

Cissy Pansy

(Curtsey)

Thanks for your journals. I always look forward to them!

--an inferior male

Nancy 20050218

2009-05-04T11:30:00.001+01:00

478 Cissy Pansy 18.02.2005

(Curtsey)

Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses, Cindy and sissies,

15.02.2005

I spent the day dressed as a male again, but I did manage to finally finish the filing and bring up to date my posts.

We went out to our favourite restaurant to celebrate St Valentine's Day and enjoyed a lovely meal. We talked about my sissiness again and Mistress again expressed Her concern that She was losing Her husband. I reassured Her that the male me was still there. I suggested a compromise. We both get enormous enjoyment from our current sex life, in which I am a little dominant, but strictly within Her limits, so I suggested this continue unchanged, but She become more dominant in other areas of our lives.

Occasionally in the past, Mistress has tried to be dominant in bed, after we'd started to make love after our normal fashion. Initially this was okay, but the angle of penetration of my little wiggle into Mistress isn't quite right and I can't climax with Her on top. As She likes me to come either at the same time or just after Her (simultaneously is wild, but just after lets Her complete Her climax with a stiff little wiggle still inside Her), She'd end up working very hard and delaying Her own orgasm too long. Then we'd have to change position anyway so I could cum, but She'd be unable to.

Alternatively, years after we got together, Mistress sometimes started to stroke my little wiggle as part of foreplay. (For the first years She was too shy!) Whilst I enjoyed this enormously, soon my stiff little wiggle would go all soft and there'd be nothing we could do.

Eventually this behaviour transferred to when She went on top, so now we stick to Her being a little submissive. However, we haven't tried the alternative since I was prescribed Viagra. I no longer need it, mostly because I have access to it if I do need it, but it does keep my little wiggle all stiff and I can regain my stiffness within minutes of my orgasm. I suggested Mistress might like to try sexual assertiveness again when I'd taken a little blue pill.

Mistress was still menstruating, so I tried my Aneros again that night. I've written about that in another letter.

16.02.2005

After breakfast I removed the nail varnish from one of Mistress's hands and then re-coated those nails. Mistress then painted my fingernails with clear varnish. Her technique was much more assured than mine.

I had an appointment with the Hairdresser. Mistress had said She'd accompany me, but She wasn't ready in time so I walked on ahead (it's only about 100 yards). I was wearing my silk lingerie, black stockings, Madam's old grey suit, a short-sleeved blue blouse and my new low heels. As I was on my own, I lacked the courage to remove my jacket at the Hairdresser's. She thought I was wearing a work suit.

When I was done, Mistress and I wandered around town a little then returned home. Mistress bought me a lipstick and some Vaseline for my lips: the Lipsalve just isn't improving them. The Vaseline seems to work a treat, though. I took off the suit and borrowed one of Mistress's skirts. It was straight and a great aid in helping me keep my knees together! However, I'm beginning to understand the problems Ladies have with sizes. The skirt was UK size 20 from Bon Marché and was a little too small, whereas my size 18 miniskirt from Dorothy Perkins is getting a little large!

Mistress painted my toenails bright red. She told me I was honoured as She hates feet.

That evening, we watched 'Why Do Men Wear Frocks?' Of course, our video recorder chewed the tape! I've written about the programme in another letter.

I tried my Aneros again before sleeping.

17.02.2005

I wore my silk lingerie and black stockings with the blue blouse and navy slacks. As soon as I pulled on the slacks I took them off and put on a panty-girdle, too. VPL! (Visible Penis Line).

We did the week's shopping a day early and we were able to go much earlier, as we're on holiday, so there were far more people about. It was quite nerve-wracking for a bit.

Late that night, Mistress opened a new bank account on-line in Her sole name. She named it His Pocket Money. Each month I have to transfer all my spare wages into this account, leaving only enough for the household bills. She'll then pay me an allowance. I now have no money. Next week I'll collect the forms to make my sole account a joint account (it is a condition of my employment that my wages be paid into an account with my name on it, so I can neither re-direct the money to my Wife's account nor remove my name from my account).

Love,

Cissy Pansy

(Curtsey)

Nancy 20050215C

2009-05-04T11:29:00.001+01:00

468 Cissy Pansy 15.02.2005 Lyrics

(Curtsey)

Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

Over the past few days I've been listening to bits of my record collection on my iPod and several sets of lyrics seem to me to have new relevance when viewed through sissy eyes. I give for your consideration the following:

One Small Day

If the stack is high against you
And the hammer's coming down
And the time that's yours lies heavy in your hands
Oh my sentimental friend
The fast much reach an end

Lying face down on the cold stone
And they give their all to you
But their all is slipping through your hands
Oh my sentimental friend
Your time will come again

Chorus:

One day where I didn't die a thousand times
Where I could satisfy this life of mine
One small day
One day where every hour could be a joy to me
And live a life the way it's meant to be
One small day

How many times has it turned against you?
How many times will they walk away?
How many times have you let depression win the fight?
Oh my sentimental friend
We'll walk as one again

(Chorus)

How many times has it turned against you?
How many times will they walk away?

One day where I didn't die a thousand times
Where I could satisfy this life of mine
One day where every hour could be a joy to me
And live a life the way it's meant to be

One day where I wouldn't feel my senses die
Where nothing made me hang my head and cry
One day where I could see myself as others do
Where I could feel the strength of love at hand

One day where I didn't die a thousand times
Where I could satisfy this life of mine
One day where every hour could by a joy to me
And live a life the way it's meant to be

-Ultravox

Open Your Heart

And when it hurts you know
They love to tell you
How they warned you
They say don’t be surprised
At someone’s lies
They think they taunt you
But if you can stand the test
You know your worst is better
Than their best

And so you stand here
With the years ahead
Potentially calling
With open heart
Or with a spirit dead
You walk on

Lies the reason
Faith or treason
Playing a part
End concealing
Try revealing
Open your heart
Dare to feel
Take the chance
Make the deal

Being an island
Shying from trying
Seems the easy way
Such an easy way
But there’s no future
Without tears

Lies the reason
Faith or treason
Playing a part
End concealing
Try revealing
Open your heart

But if you can stand the test you know your worst is better than their best lies the reason
Faith or treason
Playing a part
End concealing
Try revealing
Open your heart

-The Human League

Wings Of A Dove

Take time for your pleasure
And laugh with love
Take the hand of another
And sing for the wings of a dove

Woah woah, for the wings of a dove
Woah woah, for the wings of a dove

Look up at the rooftops
When you’re walking ’round
Don’t think for a moment
Of looking down

Woah woah, (yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah) for the wings of a dove
Woah woah, for the wings of a dove
Woah woah, for the wings of a dove
Woah woah, for the wings of a dove

Ha-lellujah (lellujah)
Ha-lellujah (lellujah)

Look up at the rooftops (the roof)
When you’re walking ’round
Don’t think for a moment
Of looking down

At a room at the top
Where we’re not allowed
Cheer to the echo
Can you hear the sound?

Woah woah, (yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah) for the wings of a dove
Woah woah, (yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah) for the wings of a dove
Woah woah, for the wings of a dove
Woah woah, for the wings of a dove

Yeah yeah yeah (etc.)

Woah woah, for the wings of a dove
Woah woah, for the wings of a dove

Et cetera

-Madness

Please let me know your thoughts.

Love,

Cissy Pansy

(Curtsey)

Nancy 20050215B

2009-05-04T11:24:00.002+01:00

467 Cissy Pansy 14.02.2005 Photographs

(Curtsey)

Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

[I'll add the photographs later when I've had a chance to edit them].

You may remember I mentioned a few weeks ago that I've bought a cheap digital camera. I've now inflicted the consequences on you in ThHW4 in the album Cissy Pansy. While taking them, my Wife and I discovered that it doesn't have a flash, hence the yellow tinge to many of the photographs, caused by an ordinary 100 watt light bulb and yellow paint. Neither does it have

· playback, so some of the pictures are a little blurred,

· a decent viewfinder, so the framing's poor and

· they're all very low definition.

I'll buy a better camera when I can afford one, but I'd rather have a corset and a decent wig.

Ruby silk nightdress and French knickers

I always sleep in a nightie, if I wear anything at all, but they're mostly cute cotton nighties. I adore this one. Mistress won't let me have a strappy nightdress - She doesn't like me too Feminine - so this is the closest I get to a baby doll nightdress just now.

The bear's called Bruno. Mistress bought him to keep me company while I was studying for professional examinations over a decade ago. I sleep with him every night I'm home (I have a different, smaller bear for easier packing on holiday).

Street sissy

The first two photographs were taken on the street where we live. Our door opens almost directly onto the pavement. I'm wearing matching silk panties, bra with enhancers and slip, my suspender belt/waspie, black stockings, white blouse, Madam's old grey trouser suit and my new navy low heels. I was very nervous because I was also wearing bracelets, a necklace and ear-rings and I'd borrowed Mistress's (empty) organiser handbag.

The other pictures in this album were taken in our back yard.

Sissy Secretary

The first few were taken candidly by Mistress while I was standing at the kitchen sink cleaning the excess nail varnish from my fingers. I'd removed the trouser suit and replaced it with the tartan mini-skirt. I replaced the navy low heels with my black Mary Jane's for the posed photos.

Silk lingerie

My favourite silk panties, bra and slip from Sulis Silks teamed with my suspender belt/waspie from Rigby & Peller and black stockings. I'm wearing my anklet under the stockings. Apart from when I used Nair, I've never taken it off.

Sissy Maid

Off with the skirt and blouse and on with my Maid's uniform and frilly panties. The dress was made to measure, but has always been large and is getting more so as I lose weight. I'm not scrubbing the floor, just sweeping with a pan and brush.

Sissy SchoolGirl

Off with the dress, frilly knickers, silk panties and slip and black stockings and on with navy wool/cotton stockings and navy Girl's PE knickers and skirt. The skirt was made to measure, too, and has always been too big, too. It's so big, it now sits on my hips (what little I have) and not my waist and this makes it look substantially longer than it is. Excluding the waistband, it's just nine inches long: I wanted my knickers to show even when I stood upright.

We'd have taken these pictures somewhere more appropriate than the kitchen but light levels were too low in other rooms.

Yellow party dress

This is my favourite for reasons you'll understand if you've read my letters. I took off everything except my panties and bra. The frilly knickers I'm wearing over the panties match the dress.

Gingham dress

The low resolution causes problems here. The material is dark blue gingham and is very soft and comfortable. This dress is made to measure and is so large it could be double-breasted. It's short, but not as short as I wanted.

The design was inspired by a drawing, a copy of which I'm posting as an attachment. I'd love to be that sissy. The picture's in .bmp format which Yahoo! won't let me put in the photos. Can anyone help there? Does anyone know the name of the artist?

Pink party dress

This is longer than the yellow party dress and much heavier. Again, the panties match.

Both this and the yellow party dress were bought from Wendy Jane in March, Cambridgeshire. They're off the peg and so fit very well!

I hope you all enjoy these. I'll add to them and/or replace them with better quality pictures as time goes by.

Love,

Cissy Pansy

(Curtsey)

Nancy 20050215A

2009-04-11T21:55:00.002+01:00

466 Cissy Pansy 15.02.2005

(Curtsey)

Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

11.02.2005

My Wife and I went for our weekly shopping. This was my first opportunity to wear my new Ladies' shoes in public. I'm afraid my cowardice surfaced somewhat. I wore the Girl's PE knickers I'd worn to work, a lace slip and flesh pop socks but also a bright blue male cord shirt and petrol blue (blue-green or jade) cord trousers with the navy low heels. We debated whether I should wear black pop socks, but Mistress said the flesh colour made my legs look bare, which I decided was more noticeable, so I kept them.

I've noticed and Mistress agrees that heels make me take smaller and slower steps so we walked round the supermarket quite slowly. The shoes weren't as comfortable today and I had to take them off after two or three hours, whereupon I found a deep ridge across the top of my feet. Mind, I've never previously worn slip-on shoes.

I depilated all my body, except my arms, in preparation for the week off. I used Nair again, but I used less and it wasn't nearly as successful. Mistress says it works better with more re-growth. I was more successful with my pubic hair, but it still wasn't totally smooth and clean and I nearly burned through my skin in the crease at the top of my inner right thigh. Mistress really doesn't like the feel of my skin as the hair grows back, so it'll be the last time I do this for some time.

12.02.2005

Mistress and I made love this morning. She later said it was just as well, as She's just about to start menstruating. This is now very unpredictable as She uses contraceptive implants. The first set stopped Her cycle completely, but it returned with the second set.

We now never know when Her flow will start or how long it will last. The implants do seem to be synchronized to Christmas, birthdays and holidays, though!

I spent the day as a sissy Secretary, sorting through six months of credit card receipts and statements. I did some housework, though not as much as I should have, and Mistress said the Maid would go on strike over demarcation!

13.02.2005

We spent most of the day taking photographs, which are in the Cissy Pansy folder in ThHW4. I've written a separate letter about them and another about my Aneros prostate stimulator. My wife's cycle will give me a chance to experiment with that, at least.

14.02.2005

I promised Mistress I wouldn't spend all week dressed as a sissy, so I only wore male clothes.

We don't eat out on St Valentine's Day: We get more choice, better service, a less crowded restaurant and lower prices the day before or after. Given that it fell immediately after a weekend this year, we're eating out the day after.

I cooked a nice meal and we watched Love, Actually. I don't know whether it's the best or second best movie of all time but I always laugh and cry all the way through it and I defy anyone to do otherwise. It's in competition with Truly, Madly, Deeply. This is the BBC version of Ghost, but Ghost is a pale shadow of Truly, Madly, Deeply (pun intended). I cry uncontrollably at the end of the latter. I haven't watched it in years, I find it so devastating.

Would anyone else like to nominate some good sissy movies?

I upset Mistress by remarking, under the influence of two glasses of wine, that the day could have been better, as I wore male clothes. I keep forgetting how much this is costing Her. We didn't write our cards until after the meal and She said I couldn't make Her laugh or cry if She didn't love me. I wrote how I loved Her just as She is and apologised deeply for being crass and insensitive.

I came up with a scale for Her involvement with my sissy side:

Not getting upset
Acceptance
Assistance
Enjoying the benefits, e.g., less housework
Taking control to gain more benefits
Punishment of me for my shortcomings
Enjoyment (including sexually) of my sissiness

In reality we're about one or two at the moment.

We also talked about what I get out of it. Without Her involvement it was pretty much purely masturbatory, but now the sexual side is much less important. It gives me permission to relax, stop competing and relinquish control. Mistress agrees with Madam that I'm a nicer person when dressed. I'm starting to think that I dress when I put on male clothes: the real me is the sissy me.

Love,

Cissy Pansy

(Curtsey)

Nancy 200502.6

2009-02-17T20:20:00.002Z

460 Grayson Perry's Dcoumentary on Cross-dressing

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

A programme is being broadcast in the UK purporting to be a sensitive look at transvestitism. It's on Channel 4 on Wednesday 16th February, 2005 a

t 9pm GMT.
The accompanying photo in The Radio Times (despite its name, it's primarily a television guide!) shows what can only be described as a sissy dressed as a little girl with a matching dolly who looks like she'd be a real asset to the group, given the picture seems to be have been taken in public. Unfortunately, I've been unable to find the photograph on either Channel 4's or The Radio Times' websites.

Set your video recorders!

Love,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Here ya go. :)

"Why Men Wear Frocks"
Feb. 16, @ 9pm, Ch. 4, UK
From The Radio Times site

"Turner prize winner and cross-dresser Grayson Perry explores transvestitism and makes distinctions between being a transvestite, being a drag queen, being gay and dressing up on a stag night. Perry asserts that if cross-dressing is a flight from masculinity, then masculinity must be attended to, and he investigates the difficulty of being a man."

from: http://www.twofour.co.uk/broadcast/news_item.asp?newsID=169

TURNER PRIZE WINNING GRAYSON PERRY ASKS WHY STRAIGHT MEN WEAR FROCKS IN DOC FOR CHANNEL 4

Grayson Perry, happily married 44-year old cross-dressing potter and Turner Prize winner, is to make a film for Channel 4 about what it feels like to be a transvestite.

In the fine art world, Grayson Perry has two unique selling points. One is his expressive pottery and the other is Claire. His transvestite alter ego is a regular feature throughout his work.
Why Men Wear Frocks with Grayson Perry is commissioned by Jan Younghusband, the head of arts at Channel 4. “Grayson is planning to take an intelligent and witty look at contemporary attitudes to masculinity,” she says.

In the film Grayson asks other people from the transgender community to explore why they want to dress in women’s clothes. “Cross-dressing is a complicated kind of flight from masculinity and the way it’s policed, so it’s the masculinity we should attend to, not just the cross-dressing. Ultimately, Why Men Wear Frocks is about the difficulty of being a man at this time,” says Grayson Perry.

Wish I could see it, but Canada doesn't have Channel Four. :(
Maybe it'll be rebroadcast here some day,
Beth :)

(Curtsey)
Dear Beth,

Trust me, that's not the photograph that was in The Radio Times!

I'll have to see if I can scan and post it, but the original's only a thumbnail.

Love,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

(Curtsey)
Dear Beth,

On the other hand, this is!

Love,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

(Curtsey)

Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

Why Do men Wear Frocks?

The programme was broadcast on Wednesday 16th February. It was presented and narrated by Grayson Perry, whose photograph, in different outfits, Beth and I have already posted. Naturally, my video recorder chewed the tape within two seconds, so this is written from memory.

It started at a cross-dressers' convention in Scarborough, North Yorkshire. He spoke to a number of TVs and was honest enough to discuss the sexual aspects of cross-dressing. He also interviewed a Wife and asked Her opinions.

Next, he visited a bikers' rally (he's also a motorcyclist) and made some comparisons with the dressing-up required to participate in the sport and cross-dressing.

An interview with a pre-operative trans-sexual followed, when he was keen to draw distinctions between TVs and TSs. In this he was helped by the TS who was keen to distance him/Herself from males.

He met a group of older teenage boys and they discussed what was acceptable behaviour in a male. Their opinions were surprisingly liberal and mature.

A potted history of cross-dressing followed. Until the mid-nineteenth century, cross-dressing was a female-to-male pastime, mainly due to social conventions which repressed Women. However, from the late eighteenth century, male dress became more and more drab, just as Female dress become more and more Feminine and, as a result, cross-dressing became more of a male pastime until now it is almost exclusively so. This section was illuminated with an interview with a historian whose area of expertise this was and who owned hundreds of period dresses! He also visited the Museum of London and explored their collection of Victorian costumes. These were contrasted with the fashions worn on the street by modern Women.

At a Saville Row tailor he explored the narrow limits of male fashion but spoke with a dandy who did not feel so constrained. It was posited that dandyism presented a more conventional safety valve, so to speak. (I'm not convinced: I'm a dandy, but I simply adore being a sissy!)

The modern Female's freedom of choice was explored at a Bridal store, with a Bride-To-Be and Her Mother agreeing They had no need to dress in a Feminine manner, but it was fun so to do for weddings.

The penultimate interview was at a goth nightclub, where some males were dressing very effeminately. One such described himself not as a cross-dresser but as a pretty boy. It reminded me very much of the New Romantics of the early 1980s and photographs I've seen of regulars at the Blitz Club. Think frilly shirts and make-up; not so much glam-rock as glamorous-rock! (Guess what? I was never a New Romantic but, to this day, that's my music).

Finally, he visited a Lady who ran a TV-dressing service and accompanied Her and some of Her clients to lunch, all en Femme. Unlike the cross-dressers at the convention, whose talent varied enormously, these were all superbly made-up and dressed. Only a close inspection (or a single syllable) would reveal they weren't Female. She mentioned that Her clients were from all walks of life and were often otherwise very 'macho.' Her clients spoke of how it allowed them an escape from their exclusively-male world and made them nicer people. Her reaction to this, I should be so lucky to be able to escape my life, brought vigorous nods of sympathy from my Wife.

Being presented by a transvestite, the programme was sympathetic to cross-dressers, but this was not about Femme Domme, forced Feminization or sissies. Nor did we get to see him in the gorgeous outfit which graced The Radio Times!

Love,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Was this on in the US? Seems like an interesting show. I checked Tivo and could not find it.

Cynthia

(Curtsey)
Dear Cynthia,

No, I'm afraid this was broadcast in the UK on Channel 4. However, I've just realized Channel 4 has a cable/satellite channel called E4 (I think: we're strictly terrestrial) so if you have that in your package you might get to see it. Otherwise, it's just a case of hoping a US broadcaster buys it.

Love,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

I don’t know if one of these is the photo that you were looking for?

I found them by entering Grayson Perry into the search engine on the BBC homepage (http://www.bbc.co.uk/)

ATB
abbie

(Curtsey)
Dear Abbie,

Thank you!

These weren't the photos I mentioned, which I attached to a previous letter, but they are very good and in a similar vein.

Love,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Nancy 200502.5

2009-02-16T08:56:00.002Z

459 Vanilla Sex Poll

Enter your vote today! A new poll has been created for the trainedhusbandshappywives2 group:

Do you still have vanilla sex with your Domme/sissy?

What's the point when there are so many bulls around?
Not with a chastity device on 24/7.
No, kinda hard once you've been seen in heels and a dress.
It has decreased over time with the help of more training and discipline.Yes, I am more of a scener, and not really a 24/7 type.

To vote, please visit the following web page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/trainedhusbandshappywives2/surveys?id=11977215

Note: Please do not reply to this message. Poll votes are not collected via email. To vote, you must go to the Yahoo! Groups web site listed above.

Thanks!

This is an excellent example of why I think almost all of these polls should have an option for "other." I don't have a Domme or dom, and have not had sex with another person in eleven years.

Hugs,
Jeanette

(Curtsey)
Dear Jeanette,

I agree.

How about this:
I am the sissy. My wife loves me dearly and helps the sissy me because of the pleasure I derive from it. It does nothing sexual for Her. We both take our wedding vows seriously, so making a cuckold of me is not an option. Nevertheless, my wife is a normal red-blooded Female who enjoys penile penetration of Her vagina. She has tried toys, but She doesn't derive the same pleasure from them. (I believe Sissie has also written how she notices a real difference between strap-on penetration and being fucked by a male). So, unless my Wife is to live a life of chastity as a result of a choice I've made, vanilla it is. Besides, it's very enjoyable.

Love,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Dear Cissy Pansy,
I am in a similar situation as you in that I too am the "sissy" in a married monogamous relationship with a most adorable Woman whom I am fortunate enough to call my Wife. She actually "enjoys" my Girlishness and encourages me to explore more and more of my inherent Femininity. She is "somewhat" bi and so this is NOT a major step for Her and rather enjoyable. I am certainly a VERY LUCKY SISSY in that I LIVE the life so many of us want. We do use toys on occasion but like your Wife, She enjoys penetration with me also. We have recently discovered that we can attain orgasm while rubbing our crotches together without me having a hard on. It's really quite amazing that I can have an orgasm WITHOUT being erect and that it is so intensely satisfying. I am learning to cum as a woman and it gives BOTH of us a lot of pleasure. We sound very similar in our relationships and I do so enjoy talking to others that LIVE our lifestyle, so PLEASE feel free to contact me at any time and talk about the loves of our lives.
Cindy

(Curtsey)
Dear Cindy,

Please accept my apologies for taking so long to write back.

I'd love to chat, but I'd prefer to do it through the group. I suspect a lot of members would like to read what we might have to say (though I'm not claiming that anyone would learn everything: it's just how I feel when members take chats off-line!)

I'd love to know how you manage to climax in this manner. My Wife adores being teased by me rubbing my little wiggle along Her lips, but I need to be stiff for it to work. Whereas I have climaxed without my little wiggle being stiff, it's always been as the result of masturbation (and often very unsatisfactory). In order to climax, my Wife always needs to play with Herself. Though She can cum without having me inside Her, She does prefer penetration, even if it's right at the last minute.

My Wife is not at all Lesbian and although She's not at all offended by Lesbians as People, She finds the idea of Lesbianism a turn-off. For this reason, my sissiness is not a turn-on either. Also, She does like to pretend to be a little submissive in bed and I have problems maintaining stiffness if She takes the lead (which softness I find so frustrating, as I'm invariably incredibly horny when She does).

I hope you're able to write back.

Love,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Dear Cissy Pansy,

I understand how you feel. I am in the "extremely" fortunate position of having a "WIFE" who knows and ENJOYS (same sex play) and as I said encourages me to be so very, very Feminine. We try ALL kinds of games, mostly inspired by me, but nonetheless we play and I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to experience these wonderful feelings. You and I are EXTREMELY fortunate to have met WOMEN that are receptive of our desires and as you, I am highly aware of it. Our lives are quite normal, in most circumstances, but at least we DO have our weekends to explore each others fantasies. I will post only to the group, if you wish, for I have NOTHING to hide, but only pride.

Cindy

The following trainedhusbandshappywives2 poll is now closed. Here are the final results:

POLL QUESTION: Do you still have vanilla sex with your Domme/sissy?

CHOICES AND RESULTS

What's the point when there are so many bulls around? 5 votes, 9.62%
Not with a chastity device on 24/7, 7 votes, 13.46%
No, kinda hard once you've been seen in heels and a dress, 17 votes, 32.69%
It has decreased over time with the help of more training and discipline., 11 votes, 21.15%
Yes, I am more of a scener, and not really a 24/7 type., 12 votes, 23.08%

For more information about this group, please visithttp://groups.yahoo.com/group/trainedhusbandshappywives2
For help with Yahoo! Groups, please visithttp://help.yahoo.com/help/us/groups/

Nancy 20050210

2009-02-16T08:51:00.000Z

454 Cissy Pansy 10.02.2005

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

Yippee!

My new shoes have arrived in time for our holiday next week. (We always take the week of St Valentine's Day). I collected them from the Post Office this morning and couldn't wait to get home and try them on this evening. Mistress lent me a pair of pop socks and both pairs of shoes fit!

The Ally pair is slip-on in style and has a low heel but Mistress says they're perfectly suitable for public wear. The Sunshine pair resemble Mary Janes but with a wide T-bar. Mistress has even given me permission to wear them as sandals with shorts in the Summer!

They weren't cheap but they are UK size 9 (USA 11; Europe 43) (which is the largest they make) and I've even bought the Sunshine in extra-wide fitting, though not all styles are available as such. I'm wearing the Ally pair as I write and they're very comfortable - much more so than my Mary Jane's. They also make several pairs of lace-ups which look more masculine (as well as male shoes), so I'll be getting my next pair of 'ordinary' shoes here, too (though that's not likely to be for many years when my existing male shoes wear out and also assuming I'm not much more properly Feminized by then). For anyone who's interested, the address is www.hottershoes.com

May you all be as happy as me!

Love,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Nancy 200502.4

2009-02-16T08:46:00.003Z

449 sissy Demeanour In Public

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

When I'm a male, I stride down the street, looking people in the eye. I can't pass as a Female, but I do go out to local shops dressed completely (bar shoes and that's only temporary) en Femme. I am wary of attracting attention to myself in case someone realizes I'm wearing Ladies' clothes, so I don't stand tall and I avoid eye contact: basically, my demeanour is much more submissive, though I'll still look directly at a Shop Assistant. Is this normal? Is it likely to avoid drawing attention to me?

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Dear Cissy Pansy,

Submission is only part of the proper attitude of a sissy; complete respect and being very polite are others. Yes, it is normal for the clothing to affect the person and this is the major reason I advocate the Feminisation of a male.

Madam Rebecca

Nancy 200502.3

2009-02-16T08:35:00.002Z

448 Knee Pads

Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

Yesterday I scrubbed the kitchen floor and wiped the dining room floor on my hands and knees, which was quite painful on my knees. Is it acceptable for a sissy Maid to wear knee pads on such occasions?

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Hi,

I think that sissies should often wear knee pads.

A cd mistress I had, required me to have dainty kneepads with lace or ruffled trim. I had to have them in my purse along with a bib as well, in case I was called upon to service her orally.

Phil Ferris

Dear Cissy Pansy,

The sissy Maid should be equipped to do the job properly. It's not about inflicting pain on a sissy who is serving as a sissy Maid should so if your knees hurt while you were in my service you get the knee pads you deserved. I prefer a sissy Maid to scrub on her knees and not use a mop, by the way.

Madam Rebecca

Hello, Madam Rebecca. :)

Might I enquire as to the preference between the two? I'm guessing that it's a better clean to use the scrub brush instead of the mop?

Unless of course there is another more "sissy" reason you prefer that I'm not aware of.

Be well,
Beth :)

Hounoured Madam Rebecca,

May I put my thinking on this matter into the discussion? There are several advantages for a Maid to scrub a floor on her knees. One; she is a position which shows clearly her inferior status. Two; you can get more pressure with a scrubbing brush and the floor is cleaner. Three; you can get right into the corners. Four; you can see much easier if the floor is clean enough and five; with a suitable sponge or cloth you can almost dry the floor so it can be walked on much sooner. Oh and six; if your Mistress decides you are not working hard enough you are in a convenient position for some correction or encouragement to be adiminstered.

I am right up to date on this matter as I scrubbed Mistress Alexis' kitchen floor this afternoon.

Maid Angela

(Curtsey)
Dear Beth,

Far be it from me to tell you what Madam Rebecca thinks (as I have been told by Her in as many words), but it seems to me that the purpose of scrubbing floors on hands and knees is not to do with efficiency or effectiveness but servitude and submission. I surmise it is precisely because it is less efficient and effective that She prefers it to be done on hands and knees. Besides, it is far more revealing (of panties and stockings and suspenders) for a sissy to be working in this position and this must surely be far more attractive a sight to any Lady Who is aroused by sissies. Madam Rebecca has often written of how the thought of Sissie scrubbing their kitchen floor on her hands and knees while She is enjoying sex with a man greatly enhances Her pleasure. I'm just glad She doesn't require us to use a toothbrush!

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Thank you, Cissy Pansy, for your input. I wasn't sure if that was a part of it, and didn't want to assume. I would imagine it's both reasons.

Take care,
Beth :)

Deep curtsey to All and chaste kisses to all the other sissy Maids.

Ms. M always requires that all floors etc must be scrubbed on my knees to ensure perfection and to assure my utmost submissiveness. I asked about knee pads once and, to my regret, Ms. M said my skirts were padding enough and that I must accept doing my work without too many modern conveniences such as a mop. They are both too easy and the chore is just not well done.

Deep curtsey,
Ms. M's sissy housemaid Tanya

Scrubbing the floor will get it cleaner than just using a mop but I also like to see a sissy down on his knees scrubbing the floor: it always puts a smile on My face.

Madam Rebecca

Very well said, First, First Maid Angela.

I know you speak with a great deal of experience, I have seen many wonderful photos of you on your hands and knees scrubbing the floor! I have one more reason listed in my answer.

Madam Rebecca

Dear Cissy,

You have mentioned some good points but it is more effective to scrub a floor on your hands and knees. A mop does a fast job while a hand scrubbing does a quality job. Mops tend to leave things along the edges and do not always remove ground in dirt or stains that require elbow grease! I have required a sissy to use a toothbrush now and then but it is for punishment for not doing a good job in the first place. To require a Maid to use a toothbrush all the time just to do it is rather a waste of labour and makes little sense.

Madam Rebecca

And my wife just had new tile floors installed on the hallways and kitchen.

Donna
Deep curtsey

One of Ms. M's innovations to improve cleanliness has been to replace the upright vacuum cleaner with an old style tubular one that uses a hose. To keep me close to my work, the steel tubes are removed and the attachments are connected directly to the hose. I have to kneel to do the chore but I can put more pressure on the rug, and get into the corners better.
She has me use a toothbrush as a punishment for floors also, but sometimes compromises and lets me use a nail brush; a bit faster but just as tedious.

Deep curtsey,
Ms. M's sissy Maid Tanya

Good Afternoon Madam Rebecca,

This is my first time e-mailing so please forgive me if it is not proper. I just wanted to add that if a sissy hurts herself because she is not wearing knee pads then she is of little use to anyone.

There is a saying my Mistress likes to use and it goes "a sick sissy is a burden to her Mistresss." Healthy sissies are also more attentive.

Respectfully yours,
Amber

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,
The greatest improvement my Wife and I made to the cleanliness of our house was when we bought a Dyson bagless vacuum cleaner. The first time I used it, I left the filters open by mistake and still filled the cylinder and that was just from our living room (approx 12'x10'). I realised my error and re-cleaned the room. I filled the cylinder again. I swear, it cleans the foundations! It's so good, I have to fight my Wife to use it!

Love,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

Many thanks to all of you who replied to this letter several weeks ago. I, and my knees especially, am grateful.

The overwhelming consensus seemed to be yes.

However, when I've searched for kneepads on-line I've been unable to find anything suitably sissy. I'm fine if I'm a construction worker or skateboarder, but not if I'm a Maid, Housewife or Cleaner. Could some kind person point me in the right direction and preferably within the UK?

Thank you for your help.

Love,
Nancy
(Curtsey)

Some garden places sell pads for kneeling outside in the garden and since they are made for Ladies they sometimes have Feminine designs, but if they don't you could always paint or colour some sissy designs on them yourself to make them appropriate for a sissy to kneel on.

Jack

Honey,

You should make your own.

Just get some foam rubber and tie it to your knee with a long oblong scarf.

Donna

Go to a garden centre and they should have them for Women.

Madam Rebecca

(Curtsey)
Dear Jack,

What an excellent idea! Thank you.

Love,
Nancy
(Curtsey)

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca,

Thank You!

Love,
Nancy
(Curtsey)

(Curtsey)
Dear Donna,

I couldn't bear to treat a scarf in such a cavalier fashion!

Love,
Nancy
(Curtsey)

Baby Girl,

You need a kneeling pad, not knee pads.

You can find some really cute ones at the home gardening shops...

Knee pads will allow you to separate your legs and that makes an unsightly pic from behind.

Little girls should keep their knees together unless otherwise told to do differently...

I hope this suggestion helps you in your search.

All tied up with anticipation,
Annastasiadomme

Nancy 200502.2

2009-02-16T08:34:00.001Z

447 Teddy Bears

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

Madam Rebecca has mentioned several times humiliating Sissie by sending her to bed early in front of guests, but first requiring her to parade herself in her nightie and holding a dolly. On other occasions Sissie has had to play with a dolly in front of guests.

Would a teddy bear be an acceptable alternative? I ask because I routinely sleep with a teddy bear and have done so for over a decade, but it's not a childhood bear.

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Nancy 200502.1

2009-02-07T17:06:00.002Z

446 Dildo Training

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

I have a number of issues on which I'd like advice. I'll admit, some of them are relatively trivial and if you feel I'm wasting your time, I apologise now. I'm posting them separately so the threads don't cross, so to speak.

I am undergoing dildo training on my own initiative. I've only just started, using an anal training dildo which is soft and comfortable. I'd love to be able to wear it in my bottom all day, every day, but it becomes uncomfortable after an hour or so. I can tolerate the discomfort, especially when I'm busy, but I can't sleep with it in as my anus just won't relax and accept it but keeps squeezing. I can consciously stop this but it does take a conscious effort and that stops me dropping off to sleep. Also, it is uncomfortable when I sit and, as I have an office job, that would be too distracting: all my attention would be focussed on my bottom, not my work.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Is my aim too ambitious? Do I just need time and practice?

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Hello, Cissy Pansy :)

I had the same problem. I would start with the smallest plug you can find, and leave it in as long as you can (within reason of course). Eventually, you'll find you don't even feel it inside you, and that will be a good sign to move up to the next size. Doc Johnson makes a bunch of plugs (use the entire link between the brackets below), and I'm now able to leave the medium size plug in for a long time. I recall several years ago wearing my plug for pretty much an entire three day weekend. Remember that if you're going to remain plugged for more than 5-6 hours at time then you need to re-lube your hole. Even though it may be your "pussy", it's not a real self-lubricating pussy

(http://www.docjohnson.com/products2.aspx?I=&p=plug&cat=0&co=0&l=0&w=0&m=0&u=&u2=&u3=&v=0)

I find that wearing my plug at night while I sleep is more effective in training my hole to become more accustomed to being filled. I think it's because you're body is able to fully relax, and by doing so, it accepts it easier. In addition, I would "clench" and hold every so often to train the muscles like you would in a workout.

Hope this helps,
Beth :)

I agree 100% and have practised in this manner for years. The little muscle has a memory and can be trained like any other.

Pnts_fncy

Nancy 20050205

2009-02-07T17:02:00.000Z

445 Cissy Pansy 05.02.2005

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

03.02.2005

My new mobile (cell) phone fascia arrived today. It has pink flowers on a blue-white background; very sissy. I changed it for the Tigger cover I'd been using (which I felt was merely childish) before going to work.

04.02.2005

I bought some Nair today and cleaned my legs, buttocks and tummy. A message was posted in this group some time ago to another site with waxing tips and that recommended using an ice pack to prevent problems with trapped hairs. I didn't use ice but I did use cold water. My legs were numb when I finished.

05.02.2005

I woke up this morning to the fabulous feeling of a pair of silky-smooth legs; mine! It was simply sensational. Sissies, if you haven't done your legs you simply must. You have no idea what you're missing!

Normally as I wake up the word panties wanders through my mind and my little wiggle goes all stiff. Today the sensation from my legs did the trick!

I showered and used more Nair to remove a few patches on the back of my legs I'd missed. I also trimmed my pubic hair and Naired my little wiggle and little cherries, too. After a cold water shower they really were very little!

I put on my lingerie and Ladies' trouser suit. My legs looked really good in stockings without all that horrible hair. While Mistress was showering I went across to the local supermarket; about one hundred yards as the sissy minces. I had to wear my brogues again as my Ladies' shoes hadn't arrived. This was the first time I'd been out on my own in daylight dressed en Femme. I was quite nervous and my stance was hunched. The only Person I looked in the eye was the Checkout Operator.

When I got back, Madam had arrived. I started to cook breakfast then, when Mistress came down, I sorted the laundry. Madam came into the kitchen and politely asked me to move so She could pour Herself another cup of tea. I suggested it might be easier if She simply took the tea into the dining room, where She was sitting, so She did.

Mistress said it was the first time She could ever remember Madam following the suggestion of a male without arguing. Madam said She no longer thought of me as a male!

While eating breakfast, Madam remarked that I was far less aggressive since I'd confessed to being a sissy and She thought it was all to do with me being able to be myself. Strangely, my male manager, but not my colleagues, thinks I've recently become more aggressive.

Later, while They were shopping together, Madam told Mistress I'd really come out of my shell since December. The conversation at the table was very Girly and also quite explicit. I felt honoured to be included. Madam Rebecca and Sissie have written of this phenomenon often, where a sissified male is treated as one of the Girls. It was wonderful.

We all went out to Claire's, one of a chain of cheap costume jewellers. Madam said Her trouser suit suited me more than it had done Her in the end, but agreed with Mistress that buttoning it made my padded bra very obvious. Mistress later said She's becoming used to going out with me dressed en Femme.

We spent most of an hour in Claire's and bought a load of stuff, mostly for me, including three pairs of clip-on ear-rings, a 60" strand of pink 'pearls,' which goes round my neck three times, and some matching bracelets. Mistress also bought me a pink cosmetics bag with a picture of three Ballerinas bending over and showing Their panties, which have been coloured sparkly pink. I thought it would be an acceptable alternative to Maids. Mistress bought Herself a new anklet, as the old one is too loose now She's lost weight, and She's given me the old one. I'm wearing it as I write this at work, but under my sock, I'm afraid.

I went home, dressed as a Maid and cleaned the house, including scrubbing the kitchen floor on hands and knees. Mistress and Madam went shopping in the city.

Madam bought virtually a whole new wardrobe for almost nothing and I was a very lucky sissy, too. A leotard pattern had arrived recently and They bought some material - black with a gold cross-hatched pattern. It's too fancy for me to wear out (at this stage, at least), but it'll be very pretty. Mistress also bought me a pair of bright pink mule slippers and a pair of yellow short-panties - the first time I've been bought a pair of panties.

Just before They came home I changed into my blouse and mini-skirt and did some Secretarial work. Then I had to put on male clothes as we were having guests for dinner.

Love,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Nancy 20050201

2009-02-07T16:47:00.001Z

440 Cissy Pansy 01.02.2005

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

I've been making a few minor changes to my appearance. I've removed some of the hair on my legs (up to just above sock level) and it feels weird as I have a narrow band of naked flesh. It looks weird, too. The coolness reminds me to keep my trouser legs down, though!

I'm wearing Lipsalve all the time and yes, I do fix it while looking in the mirror in the gents and in the rear view mirror in my car. I don't have a compact. No, I haven't been discovered, yet.

I'm gradually removing my sideburns. They've never been very long (I'm rooted in the early '80s) and were unfashionably short but now they're almost non-existent and getting shorter. No-one's noticed.

I'm plucking my eyebrows. They were very shaggy until my hairdresser trimmed them a few months ago: now they're just thick. I'm removing a few every day and even I haven't noticed!

I'm wearing clear nail varnish on my fingernails (and my toenails are still bright red, but so what?) The fingernails were first noticed by a male colleague (the most homophobic person I know, to boot) a week ago and he mentions it most days - and isn't keeping it to himself either. It was all round the males in the staff room at lunch today. Am I still wearing it? Yes. Am I sticking to my story that they're brittle and it's 'Hard As Nails'? You bet!

I ordered two pairs of Ladies' shoes yesterday from Hotter, http://www.hottershoes.com/, as they say they're wide fitting. I want to be able to wear them outside, so they're not overly Feminine. I've ordered 'Ally' in navy. They have a noticeable wedge heel, though they're still low heel, are slip-on in style and are fairly plain. The 'Sunshine' pair is similar to Mary Janes with a thick T-bar and Velcro fastening. I've ordered them in black. They'll take up to ten days to come. I can't wait!

I also bought a digital camera - a Jessop's Funcam - for just £20. I'll try and persuade Mistress to take some pictures of me this weekend and then I'll post them.

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

PS (Curtsey) I've just answered the phone to Madam. I've always liked Her but it's amazing how much more easy it is to talk to Her now that She knows about the sissy in me and we can talk about Girly things. (Curtsey)

Nancy 20050130

2009-02-07T16:40:00.001Z

439 Cissy Pansy 30.01.2005

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

Sunday saw another first for me: my first appearance in public dressed (nearly) completely en Femme.

I wore a bra with enhancers, panties and short lacy slip all in natural silk, my waspie suspender belt, a pair of black stockings I borrowed from Mistress and a panty-girdle to give me a smooth knicker line at the front – I didn't want VPB (visible panty bulge!).

Over these I wore my new white blouse and one of Madam's old Ladies' trouser suits in pale grey. The slacks had a front zip but were plain-fronted and fitted me better than my navy pair as they have a waistband. Mistress lent me a narrow belt so they looked even better. I pulled the blouse tight at the front (I have to wear it tucked in as it looks simply awful if left untucked, as it's meant to be, because I need a size 22 to accommodate my shoulders and that makes the waist far too large) and put on the jacket. It's tailored and has an inverted J seam on each breast to allow for a Ladies' figure. I fastened it and it made my sissy figure quite obvious! Mistress, however, refused to allow me to go out like that or, at least, She wouldn't go with me, so I unbuttoned it. (Some moderation was required as we live in the centre of town so these are our local stores). She offered me a coat, but I declined. The seams meant it would be obvious I was wearing a Ladies' jacket to anyone who cared to look.

The only male items I wore were my brogues, as I didn't go out to buy the Ladies' shoes yesterday and my Mary Janes are just too Girly.

We went to ASDA first, about 100 yard away as the sissy minces, but less as the crow flies, ostensibly to buy a digital camera. Not to spare my blushes, Mistress made me do all the talking to the Female shop Assistants. (To be honest, She would have made me do the talking anyway). They didn't have one. We then looked for a pink strappy top to go with my pink bikini bottoms to wear by the pool this Summer. We'll buy one when I've lost more weight.

We walked round the corner to Claire's – a cheap jewellery shop – to buy me some cheap jewellery, but the shop didn't open on a Sunday. I asked Mistress to take me there next Saturday before She and Madam go shopping in the city.

It wasn't a successful trip but I didn't mind. I enjoyed being out in the Sun, trying to hold down my flapping jacket in the breeze so I didn't show off my lingerie under my blouse. Hopefully I'll have new Ladies' shoes by next Saturday.

On another matter, I recently bought Mistress a pair of crotchless retro (50s style) panties (CI008) and a matching open cup bra (CI005) from Cameo Intimates, www.cameo-intimates.com. It was supposed to be a Christmas present, but I waited too long to order. When I gave them to her a few weeks ago, She put them on and took them off straight away, almost in tears. I was devastated. However, this Sunday She raced from the bathroom and as soon as I got out of the shower I could see She was wearing them. She confessed the elasticated crotch was extremely pleasant to wear, providing stimulation even when standing still or sitting and She encouraged me to play with Her nipples, too. Despite having made love before getting up, She instructed me (in Her own way!) to make love to Her again when we went to bed, when She confessed to having relieved the tension Herself in the kitchen while I was doing housework dressed as a Maid. She even wore them again on Monday night when She returned from work, with the same results. She loves them! I heartily recommend them.

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Nancy 20050122

2009-02-07T16:35:00.002Z

438 Cissy Pansy 22.01.2005

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

Mistress got angry and upset with me last night.

She'd been given a load of new clothes by Madam, as they no longer fitted Her. Hopefully they won't fit Mistress for very long either.

I arrived home late from work (as is normal) and we decided to make tea, which I cooked, then Mistress would give me a fashion show. When we'd finished eating, Mistress continued to watch TV.

After a while, I went and washed the dishes and prepared the food for the following day. Mistress went upstairs and started trying on the clothes. She came down to ask my opinion about an outfit to find me using my Psion pocket computer, although I was only doing so while waiting for some eggs to boil. Nevertheless, this upset Her.

We went upstairs and Mistress modelled the clothes. I tried on those She didn't want and kept most of them. The others just didn't suit me. I hung up my new clothes and helped Mistress tidy up. When She was very nearly finished I asked for, and was granted, permission to go online. I was downloading some pictures from ThHW2 when She came in the room. I'm always embarrassed when She sees my viewing preferences and I minimised the screen. That was a bad move.

Mistress became quite upset and, in bed, said She felt like She'd been used, though not in a bad way. I felt awful. I said I couldn't see how me using Her could be anything other than bad. She asked if I was writing about Her in my letters. I panicked and lied. I said no.

I felt awful. I keep forgetting how much Her approval and happiness mean to me. I fully expected to have to leave the group and mentally composed my letter of apology and resignation.

Mistress was fine in the morning and again when I spoke to Her at work. She could tell I was really worried and said everything was fine, but we'd talk when She got in. Mistress had a night out with Her colleagues so I had the house to myself. I checked there was nothing She wanted me to do and asked for, and was granted, permission to go online.

On the way home I went to ASDA (part of Wal-Mart) and bought a white blouse for just £3.50. I dressed in black lace-top hold-up stockings, the navy Girl's PE knickers I'd worn to work, an Après Noir bra, a short lacy slip, the new blouse, my miniskirt and Mary Janes. I looked like a tarty secretary.

I was dressed when Mistress came in. After a cuddle, we sat down, She on the sofa and me on an upright chair. I crossed my ankles, tucked my feet under my seat, folded my hands in my lap and confessed. Mistress said She felt flattered and realized I had to write about events as they happened, but She felt ignored. I had to be less blinkered when writing and pay attention to Her. She was disappointed I'd gone into Maid mode (Her words!) shortly before Her programme had ended and She'd had to try on the clothes twice; once for Her benefit then again for mine.

I apologised sincerely and thanked Her for permission to continue writing. I then looked a bit embarrassed and made a request. I explained that I thought She did a far better job of managing Her current (cheque) account than I did of mine and asked Her to manage my account and just give me pocket money. I'd use my credit card only for petrol (gas) (I commute 400 miles per week) but I asked Her to control that, too. In fact, the only bit of our finances I'll control in future is our bills account. (In the UK, most household bills are paid by direct debit, whereby the invoicing company takes a (fixed) amount from the customer's bank account every month. There's no need to pay bills). All I need to do is update the bills spreadsheet (I do all the filing anyway) and make sure the monthly transfer is sufficient. That takes a couple of hours once a year and doesn't really involve me in spending money: the bills have to be paid. Mistress kindly agreed. This was particularly embarrassing because I work in finance.

Mistress also asked why I'd stood in the corner on Sunday evening. I took my courage in my hands and explained to Her about the group, Madam Rebecca and Sissie and some of Madam Rebecca's training methods, including corner time and cuckolding. To the latter Her response was, "What a waste of time all that training would be! Just get one man and train him to do it the way You like!"

Tuesday ended much more happily than Monday.

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

PS (Curtsey) Please accept my apologies for posting this out of sequence. I wrote it on my Psion then forgot to send it to the group. (Curtsey)

Nancy 20050129B

2009-02-07T16:29:00.005Z

436 Cissy Pansy 29.01.2005 B Shame And Apology

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

When writing letters to this group I have tried to take Auburn's honesty as my model. With this in mind, I must relate what came to pass late on the evening of Saturday, 29th January.
My Mistress and I were sitting eating a meal I'd cooked and enjoying a bottle of wine. The feelings I experienced are starting to fade now, so I feel the wine must be at least partly responsible for my revelation and subsequent shame.

I commented, and Mistress concurred, how much more submissive, subservient and polite I am when dressed as a Maid. It is my failing that, at present, I am not nearly so well-mannered when dressed in male clothing. It is the clothes which bring about a change in my demeanour. I said, "The clothes maketh the man," and then it occurred to me that I act in this way because I think it is expected of me when dressed as a Female. I expect Females to act in this way and I am trying to emulate Them. in other words, I think of Females as submissive, subservient and polite.

I acknowledge that politeness is a virtue but I was appalled to realise that, somewhere deep in my subconscious, I associate Ladies with submissiveness and subservience. I am a scientist and consciously try and rationalise my world and my reaction to it. Though my parents have their prejudices, I have striven to eliminate mine. (Mistress cannot see how my views came to be so different from theirs). I thought I had taught myself better and this was a very uncomfortable piece of self-knowledge.

I am deeply shocked to find I hold, albeit unwittingly, such reprehensible prejudices and I wish to apologise publicly and sincerely to all Ladies. For what it's worth, I am sorry. This is my failing and I am ashamed.

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Dear Cissy Pansy,

Although no doubt Others will respond to your post, the undersigned unworthy sissy would be inclined to suggest that you have nothing to be ashamed of in your feelings. It is, in my humble opinion, precisely this that makes it necessary for some of us to don Feminine attire and take on the experiences of being submissive and subservient, as well as the experiences of being punished, abused and humiliated: that we recognize that this has been the role that Women have been forced to take on for centuries, and from which They have not yet entirely escaped. Having been raised in a male-dominated culture, of course even the most enlightened of us males still have these ideas about Women. It is yet difficult for me to look upon a Woman, even One of exalted stature and accomplishments, and not think of Her as a sex object, even though I have tried all my life to treat Women with the utmost respect. Therefore, we sissies offer ourselves as a sacrifice; an atonement for our own sins and for the sins of all males. We undertake to experience a bit of what Women have had to endure, and in doing so we both work to correct the internalized vestiges of sexism within ourselves and also gain further respect for Women, Who have somehow managed to accomplish so much while being restricted and repressed at every turn. In corset and heels, I myself have to labour mightily just to keep from falling down or passing out from hypoxia, let alone serve others or work competently, and yet how many Women have excelled in similar circumstances? Therefore, let us continue our worship of Women, knowing we can never be their equals, and knowing that freeing ourselves from the strictures on our minds placed by society must be our life's work, never completed, but always in process and, hopefully, in progress.

So I would humbly suggest that the important thing is not that you had such a feeling, but what you do about it. As a sissy who must undertake to do the best he can without the firsthand assistance of a Mistress, I have made it a practice to constantly make note of my failings in this regard, and to undertake an appropriate punishment at the first opportunity.

In Unity,
Elise Jeanette Lesubbe

(Curtsey)
Dear Elise,

Thank you for your kind words of support.

However, I fear I may be worse than I suspected.

For some time now I have been aware of an adrenalin rush whenever I'm passed in my car by an attractive business Lady in an up-market car. It's worse when there are two of Them!
Today I was editing a message thread I'd copied from ThHW2 in which Auburn was relating the wonderful success of her Wife in Her career, baulked (for the moment) at the last hurdle by the prejudices of others. The same thing happened. I've been unable to identify the emotion and I now think it may be a conflation of two. I know it's nothing to do with the car per se and I certainly don't want to race Them (They'd be speeding in order to overtake me anyway). However, there is certainly an element of wanting to show off in order to attract Her/Their attention and I do believe I am jealous!

The upmarket car signals personal success: many Women with successful husbands let him drive the big car; They drive something smaller; more petite and Feminine. No, these Ladies are good at what THEY do and that explains my wholly inexcusable reaction to the news (albeit old) of Auburn's Wife's success, too. I've admitted that I feel frustrated and undervalued in my career (no, let's be honest; my job: even I can no longer pretend to have a career) although I am very successful, but news of male success doesn't give me the frisson of excitement that Female success does. Instead I feel resentful, angry and depressed.

Perhaps the kindest interpretation that can be given is that I want to be Them; attractive, successful and Female!

I started to write this a few days ago and I've been examining my feelings, reactions and memories quite closely over the intervening time. I had the same response when I saw the scene in one of the Matrix movies when a rubber-clad Domme and Subbe Female Couple walked into a night club. My interpretation was that They were Lesbian.

On further reflection, perhaps I'm just thrilled by the (sexual) authority radiating from a successful Lady Whom I'd love to serve.

Love,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Dear Cissy Pansy,

I deliberately waited a day to offer a response to your reply so that I might respond with deep reflection.

The issue you bring up is one that is, in fact, difficult to come to grips with and difficult to write about, because it touches on some very basic spiritual truths, and ultimately there is no way of writing about spiritual truths other than in paradox, which always sounds like a cop-out - a dodge - to someone who has not had the experience of seeing the Truth that is beyond the paradox. And this is a good example of why I so strongly feel that to be a sissy without an awareness of the broader spiritual truth being expressed and the importance of the broader spiritual context for both the individual and the world as a whole is to miss the greater part of the whole experience.

The nub of the issue comes down to the nature of human beings as it comes to spirit: to look at it one way, our highest, purest, most selfless spiritual strivings are wrought through with corruption, ego and selfishness. Perhaps the clearest expression of this can be found in the writings of the monk Thomas Merton who, despite his abstemious lifestyle, was keenly aware of his imperfection and his fallenness. To look at it the other way: the lowest, basest of human desires are expressions of the Highest Perfection and Glory. The universe was made by the Divine Being in its imperfect form because this suited Her Perfect Purpose. For a clear expression of this side of things, Meister Eckhart comes to my mind. But the most important Truth is this: that both of these perspectives are true, but both are false, because both are limited. The Truth includes both those viewpoints, utterly without contradiction. Now I know there is no way to get there logically; one can only attain that perspective by means of spiritually transformative technologies such as meditation.

Now, to apply this philosophical claptrap to the specifics of your experience: Like you, I also experience varying degrees of excitement, sometimes rather intense, when seeing Women of various kinds and sorts. What is this? Is this the male beast in me, lusting after Them, wanting to possess Them sexually? No doubt that part is still there. But the real question, to me, is what do I then do with it? Like the alchemists, whose obsession with turning base metal into gold was often thought to be a pursuit of mere chemistry or nuclear physics, but was actually a spiritual quest, like the good sissy I am, the fantasy I allow myself to indulge in when I find myself being excited by the sight of a Woman is to imagine myself serving Her, most submissively. Turning what may be a base metal into gold, I transform what might start out as a mere lecherous impulse and turn it into an awareness of my true purpose and function, my karma and my dharma, and how I can transform the world around me by doing what I want to most.

As to your being especially excited by seeing a Woman driving an expensive automobile, I too have had similar feelings, and have chided myself at my crass materialism, but upon reflection have come to realize that what I find exciting is that I imagine the Woman is powerful, and I realize that there is nothing wrong with my being excited by a Woman being powerful. And on this planet at this time, Women who are affluent are more likely to wield power than those who do not. Of course, it is good to take the time to remind myself that there are many kinds of power and some Women who have little financial power may possess great personal power and that besides that, all Women are to be respected and revered.

So do these feelings reflect your shortcomings or your strengths? Perhaps it depends on what you do with them. A truly spiritual perspective is one that enables you to take faults and shortcomings and transform them into growth experiences. And there is no doubt in my mind as I read your many posts concerning your struggles with your current transformations of your life and your relationships, you are growing spiritually.

In love and admiration,
Elise

(Curtsey)
Dear Elise,

Once again I thank you for your kind and very thoughtful words. I, too, have delayed my reply while I took the time to try and fully understand what you said. I think I do, but you'll forgive me if I don't try and explain. This letter has been further delayed by problems I've been having with my Psion. I don't get much time on-line or using the PC, so much of what I do is written on a pocket computer. I also prefer to read more detailed letters on it as I've found it to be much closer to the printed word and, therefore, easier to understand. It's psychological, I know, but real enough to me. Anyway, the Psion-PC link has been malfunctioning and I wasn't able to transfer your letter.

I'm afraid my theology/spiritualism isn't up to your standard. When I attended school, Religious Education was compulsory until age 16 (1984), but this amounted to little more than paraphrasing the Bible. At the time, I didn't believe in God, so the lessons were little more than second-rate English comprehension. Only one Teacher seemed to have any enthusiasm and Her year of lessons was easily the best. We asked to be taught comparative religion, but we were told that wasn't allowed!

Consequently, my limited knowledge of other belief systems is restricted to what I've been able to glean in passing.

Your letter contains some sound advice and I will attempt to sublimate my baser feelings. I am materialistic, but not wholly so: I've been able to restrict it to books and stamp collecting and allowing my Wife de facto control of my finances will stop these, too. I'd like to mention that the expensive cars are purely symbolic; a representation of my fantasy projection of Their personalities and lives. I have a strange sense of patriotism and, if I was driving an expensive car, I'd prefer it to be British (which these days restricts my choice to Rover and TVR!) and I really don't want the fashionable executive cars of choice; BMW and Mercedes. I drive a basic 1994 Vauxhall (GM) Astra with nearly 170,000 miles on the clock!

Here's to us all conquering our inner demons.

Love,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Nancy 20050129A

2009-02-07T16:13:00.004Z

435 Cissy Pansy 20050129A

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

Today was very topsy-turvy.

Mistress and I got up late full of good intentions to clean the house and go out to buy some Ladies' shoes for me. In preparation for this, I'd used Veet (= Immac = Nair) on my feet legs up to about my sock line: Mistress won't allow me to go all the way. For the first time I painted my toenails, bright red, and re-varnished my fingernails in a clear lacquer. Mistress said I was a tart and advised me not to use colour on my toenails in Summer if I wanted to wear my sandals as my toenails would be no better than pink. I suggested I might be able to use a paler colour or clear but She didn't look impressed.

I washed Mistress's hair, shaved under my arms and dressed in my Maid's uniform. As we'd be going out, I added a panty-girdle between my silk panties and frilly uniform knickers to ensure I'd stay properly tucked and give me a smooth knicker line at the front under the Ladies' slacks I'd be wearing.

Mistress sat on the bed looking disconsolate. She couldn't decide what to wear. I started trying to get into my Maid persona and began addressing Her as Mistress and making suggestions. Mistress just looked more unhappy.

Eventually She dressed as I'd suggested and we stripped and made the bed. We went downstairs for breakfast. Mistress was looking very upset. She sat down and began to cry. I asked what was wrong and She said, "Nothing. Everything's fine."

I asked if She was upset by my clothes and She said, "No. Nothing's wrong," with tears running down Her face.

I knelt at Her feet and persisted, but, as usual, She just kept denying everything. I got up and walked to the door to change.

"No, don't!" She said.

I became impertinent and explained how bad I felt with Her first patently upset then crying but all the while insisting everything was fine. I said I knew what was wrong, that I'd been selfish, I had misjudged Her acceptance and now I wanted to dress as a man. This persuaded Her to communicate.

She WAS upset by my clothes. "When am I going to get my husband back?"

"Right now!" I said without hesitation.

"No!"

I stopped on the way to the door again.

We talked for a long time. She felt deserted. She never knew whether She'd come home to a man or a Woman. Was I going to dress en Femme all the time? She didn't want to stop me completely because She thought that would make me resentful in time. I think She finally revealed Her true feelings.

I offered to never ask to dress again and wait for Her to grant permission. She declined, saying She'd never offer. Instead we'd agree a rota, which has yet to be worked out. I explained I need Her help and support in my sissification, but I needed to know where I stood so I wasn't trying to do something which She was never going to allow, or to which She objected. As an example, I mentioned what had happened when I broached replacing my male underwear with panties and how She had been reluctant to say what She meant. Mistress then said She was fine with me wearing panties, providing I understood the risks (car crashes, etc) and that they don't arouse Her, though some of the plainer panties are fine! I was confused and we agreed to talk again when it's time to replace them.

I re-iterated why I wanted Her to help me manage my money. She was reluctant to take on the extra work so I suggested I transfer to Her all my wages, less the fixed amount needed for bills, and She could pay me pocket money out of that. She was reluctant to leave me without access to money in an emergency but I pointed out I'd still have an overdraft facility and credit card.

In the spirit of the above, I asked whether my intention of buying Ladies' shoes was a waste of Her money. She said it was my money to spend as I wanted and as She would not brook me controlling Her spending, She would not prevent me. I tried again and we discussed, to my amazement, me going out dressed en Femme. This was Mistress's suggestion! She said I'd need much better make-up and wig before I could. I'm not even dreaming of that at the moment! I said the shoes I wanted were, while Feminine, not overly-so and I was hoping to wear them outside with slacks. (Auburn mentioned that's how her Wife started). Mistress confessed to reservations about accompanying me to the shop. It was later than I'd wanted to go anyway (after four o'clock and the shop closes at five) but Mistress did say I could go straight away on my own. I need longer than that to build my courage and I wasn't sure She wasn't just humouring me. I said no and Mistress said I should use mail order instead.

In conclusion, Mistress said it was just events were happening too quickly and She needed time to adjust. We cooked and ate breakfast. I showed Her the credit card bill and explained why I'd spent the money then we started on the housework. I cleaned the bathroom in my panties, panty-girdle and waspie (I was using bleach and I've already ruined two pairs of trousers while cleaning the bathroom: I didn't want to ruin my uniform) with Marigold rubber gloves. Mistress dusted the bedroom then went to watch a television programme. With only half the bathroom done, I went down and cooked our evening meal.

Although I fully-intended to finish the bathroom that evening, I never got near it again. We opened the first bottle of wine since starting the diet and talked for hours, of which more in the B letter.

I explained more about the group to Mistress. I confessed I was undergoing anal training and was greeted by, "Yuck!" I said many Ladies enjoy anal penetration, but males have the additional benefit of prostrate stimulation. I also tried to liken the pleasure I receive from anal penetration to that She receives from vaginal penetration. I didn't convince Her.

In private correspondence, Madam Rebecca had given me a reward. I felt I should ask Mistress's permission before accepting. She expressed Her wish that I should decline, saying, "You're taken!"

Mistress can be quite protective of me.

I knelt in front of Mistress and thanked Her for Her kindness and understanding and said if there was anything I could do for Her that would make Her as happy as She'd made me, then She must tell me.

As I wrote; topsy-turvy.

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Nancy 200501.5

2009-02-07T16:05:00.002Z

433 Cissy Pansy’s Second Update

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

The events below happened before I spent a weekend as a Maid.

I finally cut my nails the weekend after I visited the Post Office dressed en Femme. By this time I'd been growing them for six weeks. I hadn't shaped them for five weeks but I'll do this more often now as it made them much less obtrusive. The weekend I cut them, I varnished them with two coats of clear lacquer interspersed with coats of finishing gloss so I had a whole weekend to enjoy their smooth, glossy feel. I measured them before I cut them and the white bits were 5mm long (about a fifth of an inch). It doesn't sound much but even I thought they looked like talons and my Wife thinks my nails are long even when I think they're short!

I shaved under my arms on Christmas Eve before we drove down to stay with my Mother-In-Law. My Wife thought I was strange - She heard the buzz of Her Ladyshave. I decided it was time to do them again that weekend. I think I'll need to do it every week.

That weekend my Wife took us to an up-market local restaurant. I'd tried to take Her there for Her birthday in late December but they were closed when we wanted to go. She wanted to have one last hurrah before we started our diet and to show off her new red V-necked jumper, which Her Sister had bought Her for Christmas, together with the red plunge bra She'd just bought to accompany it. I wore plain silk panties and a matching short slip and a lacy silk bra, all in ivory. I offered to wear stockings and suspenders, but my Wife didn't encourage me. In any event, as I have no hips, in order to keep it in place and the stockings up, the suspender belt is very deep and boned - my Wife calls it a waspie - so it does restrict my stomach's ability to expand, thus reducing my appetite and that seemed a bit churlish. ("Thank You for taking me to this lovely restaurant, but I'm not hungry...") I tried on an ivory silk shirt but I needn't have bothered for all it did to hide my bra and slip: it was that obvious. I chose a navy blue silk shirt instead and was very surprised how little showed despite the fine cloth. It would seem I've an alternative to my cord shirts. I'll have to see how it looks with just a bra and no slip. I'd love to be able to go out wearing a bra in the Summer. I also wore a pair of navy trousers with a peached finish. My Wife loves the feel of them. At the last minute I got brave and slipped in my breast enhancers.

We walked the mile or so to the restaurant and enjoyed a lovely meal. I didn't feel at all self-conscious, despite my B cups being filled with my sissy chest fat and tissue and breast enhancers, until I realized I had to visit the bathroom before we walked home. Although the restaurant is upmarket, it's part of a pub located in a part of town which isn't too salubrious. The pub's clientele is a bit rough, the bar was quite full and the toilets were through the bar! I couldn't very well put my coat on so I put back my shoulders, pushed out my chest and politely said, "Excuse me, please," every few feet. No-one noticed.

I recently had a day off work by myself and decided to try an experiment. I'd read Madam Abigail's letter about how She punishes Her sissy and Female Slave by forcing them to orgasm over and over. There have also been several letters, especially from Madam Rebecca and Sissie, allowing frequent sexual release in sissies provided they are properly tucked. I wanted to see if I could combine the two.

In preparation I bought a pair of Ladies' incontinence panties from Boots and an octopus (not what you think!) The panties look like a pair of ordinary full-cut white cotton knickers with lace trim, but they have a wide gusset with a pouch to hold an incontinence pad. The gusset and much of the rear of the panties have a rustle-free waterproof lining.

The octopus is made of pink latex shaped like a figure of eight with one of the circles blind. That is, one of the circles has no hole. A near-silent bullet vibrator is imbedded in that. The other circle is a ring of very stretchy latex which slips over a sissy's little wiggle or even a man's penis with the vibrator against the glans. The vibrator is powered by a unit designed to look like a pager and which clips onto a belt or even a pair of panties. The whole is operated by a remote control which has four speed settings selected by four buttons. It looks just like a car remote control. However, and this is where my plan began to fall apart, the vibrator only works when a button is depressed and stops as soon as the button is released. Not only that, but to prevent accidental operation, such as the button being knocked when in a pocket, there is a 25 second cut out! I couldn't just slip it over my little wiggle, tuck myself, pull up my panties, trigger the vibrator and force myself to endure orgasm after orgasm.

If it had worked, the incontinence panties would have enabled me to use it anywhere without there being any danger of my slimy sperm oozing down my legs in a public place or staining my slacks. In the end I had to use one of my Wife's vibrators, which is not silent and so couldn't be used in public. In my tucked position, I found it most effective to have the vibrator inside my panties and between my bum cheeks. It took a few moments for the vibrator to take effect and my little wiggle didn't get stiff - just a little engorged - but my orgasm was overwhelming and had me wide-eyed and gasping aloud. I think it was the feeling of inevitably and loss of control (it wasn't up to me to thrust or wank (jerk-off)) that was so overpowering. I felt as if I was going to dribble my slimy sperm whether I wanted to or not. And, of course, I dribbled all over my bum.

The incontinence panties did their job and I didn't leak. Unfortunately, the vibrator had no effect after I came and so I switched it off to save the batteries. I used it again, however, a few minutes later and the feeling of helplessness was just as mind-blowing.

We'd got the vibrators out for the first time in years just the previous weekend at my instigation: my Wife isn't a big fan - She says She prefers the real thing. I used the harder pink one over her pussy. It took me a while to find a position She liked but when I did She wouldn't let me move. As She became more excited, I started to use the second softer, black vibrator as a dildo and slowly penetrated Her with it. When She'd finally fully accepted it all, I began to move it in and out, which She really liked. Soon She was enjoying a good, strong climax. I think She felt the same as me in the end; powerless and incapable of resisting Her orgasm. When She'd recovered, She instructed me to penetrate Her and climax as quickly as I could. She enjoyed that, too, but never comes twice.

For me, the best part happened when She went to the bathroom and I was able to lick both vibrators clean of Her cream. Her flavour was exquisite. (My Wife won't allow me to satisfy Her orally as She dislikes tasting Herself when She kisses me). In future I'll date these so they're easier to understand chronologically.

I hope everyone has a totally sissy weekend.

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Hello, Cissy Pansy.

Might you have any pictures of this device that you used? If not, do you happen to know where it can be purchased on the web? I'm not very clear on what exactly this octopus is, or how it's attached, etc. More information would be very appreciated.

Glad you were able to enjoy an orgasm like that of a female (tucked smooth).

Take care,
Beth :)

(Curtsey)
Dear Beth,

Thank you for asking. I was starting to feel like a Monty Python menu (spam, spam, spam...).
I don't have a picture per se but you could try either of thefollowing links:
http://www.buttontoys.com/index.htmlhttp://www.edirectory.co.uk/sexydirectory/pages/index.asp?cid=1016
You might also try Googling bullet vibrator.

I hope you've had a good weekend.

I'll post more later.

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Thank you, Cissy Pansy.

Now I fully understand what you were wearing, and made sure to save that site in my Favourites for future use. You say you came while tucked, with ONLY this as stimulation eh?? Hmmm...

Thanks for letting me know,
Beth :)

(Curtsey)
Dear Beth,

I regret my original post was not clear.

Although the octopus is pleasant enough, it only works for as long as the button is depressed on the remote control AND there is an over-ride to prevent it operating for longer than about half a minute! I'm not nearly so excitable that I can come with so little stimulation (and I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing).

You describe my plan, but the experiment was a failure as far as the octopus goes. I did come while tucked and the feelings were exquisite, but I used a traditional, hard and certainly not silent vibrator with it tucked between my buttocks and pressed against the underside of the head of my little wiggle.

The only use for the octopus of which I can think is as a paging device for my Wife/Mistress to use in summoning me (it is alleged to have a fair range but, obviously I've been unable to test it myself - my arms aren't that long!) and so far She has refused my offer on the matter! I'm vain enough to imagine Mistresses the world over placing orders as I type and perhaps Madam Rebecca in Her kinkier moments might dispense with Sissie’s bell!

I hope I'm a bit clearer this time.

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Hi, Cissy Pansy.

Thanks for the info. I now know what you were referring to and maybe Mistress will allow me to use such a device in a similar fashion as you did. I'm sure it must have been a very different experience. The only time I was able to orgasm in the same way I, too, found it very different.

Thanks again,
Beth :)

Nancy 200501.4

2009-02-07T15:55:00.001Z

427 My Second Day As A sissy Maid

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

We got up later this morning (Sunday).

Madam called on the way to the supermarket for milk. She returned my padded soft cup silk bra, whose straps She had been lengthening (at full extension the band had passed under my nipples - just) and brought me a pair of Her old high-leg cami-knickers and a camisole, both in dark blue. I was so pleased and grateful. I rushed to model the cami-knickers over the pair of white cotton panties I was wearing. I was delighted they were long enough in the body. Madam asked me to try on the bra, so I did, with breast enhancers. I modelled it both with the camisole turned down and also underneath it.

After bathing, I dressed in my 'street sissy' clothes as I had done the previous evening, but with male shoes, as Mistress and Madam had been given two bicycles by a work Colleague of Mistress and we had to collect them. I wore the new stockings Mistress had bought me yesterday. Unfortunately, they're neither glossy nor opaque, but they are much longer and more comfortable. I could feel the pull of the taut suspenders on my thighs as I drove. It felt wonderful and sexy. My whole outfit felt comfortable, even though my slacks don't fit as well as they might.

We took the bikes to Madam's, as She has a large and empty garden shed. Madam invited us in for a drink. She showed me Her suspender tights (pantyhose) which I'd ordered for Her on-line earlier in the week. Her diet has worked a treat and She has good legs, even though She's in Her fifties. She showed me Her new bustier, too. She said it was a bit plain. It was plain black, but there's nothing wrong with that and it had a wonderful, pert and natural shape to the cup. I felt privileged to be treated so intimately and doubt I would have been so honoured if Madam had not been aware of my sissy status. I again offered to do any housework that might be required and expressed a preference to be dressed while doing so.

As I drove us back, I mentioned a remark Mistress had made before we left home. She'd expressed a concern that I might embarrass Her. She confirmed that I had not done so and I re-assured Her that I would not. Mistress did not think my dressing in a bra with breast enhancers and slip was appropriate for romantic dinners, but She will allow panties. I mentioned that I wouldn't be offended if She chose to expose me to others, but I'd prefer to be exposed to Ladies and as a matter of common sense She should be fairly sure of Their reaction.

When we returned home we retrieved our wheelie bin (a large, wheeled trash can) from our next door Neighbour. She's a lovely Lady in Her eighties Who was widowed nearly two years ago. She was keen to show off Her new central heating system, which was installed on Tuesday. It's the first time in 81 years She's had a warm house.

I changed into my Maid's uniform as yesterday (I didn't wear the anal training dildo as my bum was still a bit sore) and cooked tea. Mistress helped but said She felt at a loose end. After tea, I left Mistress watching The Return of the King while I did the dishes, hand-washed the silk lingerie, finished the laundry, emptied the rubbish, roasted a chicken for tea on Monday and grilled some sausages ready for breakfast in the morning.

There were frequent calls for assistance from Mistress. I asked Her to show me how to curtsey and feel there was a definite improvement subsequently, but when I checked with Mistress, She said She wasn't paying any attention. I addressed Her respectfully throughout and She became quite dismissive of me, waving me away with a flick of Her wrist when I was no longer required (though She later said this was embarrassment). I offered to buy Her a bell as I think it would be much more audible when She summons me, but She said we already have a china bell. She wouldn't let me get it for Her, though. I asked by what name She'd be addressing me and suggested my sissy name, Cissy. She said, "One step at a time."

She kindly went through a clothing catalogue with me and allowed me to show Her the Ladies' clothes I liked. We have similar tastes, so if we end up the same size we could be sharing a wardrobe!

As I was cooking the sausages I didn't have anything else suitable to be getting on with, so I awarded myself some corner time. It was surprisingly relaxing to be stood there on low heels, in all my lace and frills, facing the corner with my hands folded in my lap. I thought about the jobs I had to do next weekend, but I didn't have a care in the world! It was wonderful and I didn't burn the sausages.

I asked permission to go on-line, but before going upstairs I knelt down in front of Mistress and sincerely thanked Her for allowing me to dress and do the housework and for giving me such a wonderful weekend. I really enjoyed it.

Today (Monday) I've been out in my lunch break to buy a Thank You card for Madam for giving me the lingerie. I chose a flowery one with a lovely verse instead of my usual taste, which would be stylish and no verse. I'll address it to Her as Madam A... and sign it with my sissy name.
I've had one of the best weekends of my life and I hope you all have had, too.

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Nancy 200501.3

2009-02-07T15:49:00.005Z

423 My First Day As A Sissy Maid

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

I'm nearly finished a busy day's work.

My Wife and Her Sister had a day's shopping planned in the local city, so I asked permission to wear my Maid's outfit and do some housework. My Wife agreed.

After morning ablutions, I put on Fenjal deodorant and body spray then put clear nail varnish on my fingernails. I just love that glossy feeling when I touch them. I dressed in my waspie suspender (garter) belt, black opaque glossy stockings, plain silk panties, lacy silk bra and a short silk slip.

My Wife helped fasten my rear suspender clips and remarked how short were my stockings. I then put on my black French Maid's dress. It is very short (the skirt itself is jut nine inches with a two inch frill of lace) and quite deliberately so. I added a pair of heavily frilled silky white tennis panties and a short black netting petticoat. My dress looked so much better with the skirts properly filled. I tied on my tiny little tea apron, buckled my T-bar Mary Janes and I was done.

I went downstairs and made breakfast, asking my Wife to fry the eggs (She's much better at this than me) when everything else was just about done. After breakfast I sorted the laundry, which is when my Sister-In-Law arrived. I hid for a second, just to make sure it was Her, then stood in the dining room doorway and curtsied. Neither my Wife nor Her Sister are particularly into this and They Both had a bit of a giggle. I had a great time, mincing around on my low heels, curtseying at every opportunity and addressing Them very respectfully. Madam Rebecca, I wish You had been there to give me the spanking my no-doubt atrocious and pathetic attempts at curtseying deserved. I am ashamed to admit it's not something I've practised very often. I soon realised I could no longer call Them by Their names, so I opted to address my Wife as Mistress and my Sister-In-Law as Madam. In all this I could feel my little wiggle trying to swell despite its tucking.

I read the list of chores I'd drawn up and Mistress told me my priority was to clean the oven, do the laundry and scrub the kitchen floor. I requested and was granted permission to wash the dishes and wipe the bench tops before starting on the cooker.

Mistress asked me to remind Her what Her shopping list was and I respectfully requested She buy me a pair of longer stockings. I curtsied as they left, hiding behind our front door, which opens almost directly onto the street, which is the first residential street off the main shopping street, so it's quite busy – hence my discretion. Before They left, I asked Them not to laugh at me behind my back, but to my face, if They wanted to laugh at me at all.

Then the fun began. I really enjoyed my work. It was nice just to be able to do something without loads of pressure (I work in sales). I pulled on a pair of yellow rubber gloves (we looked for pink, but our supermarket doesn't stock them) and did the dishes. I decided to remove the gloves at the earliest opportunity after nearly dropping a glass, despite holding it in two hands!
With the dishes done, I nipped upstairs to the bathroom and retrieved my new Crystal Jellies Anal Starter butt plug by Doc Johnson and bought from Bionic Tonic. It's six inches long and quite slim so slid in very easily when properly lubricated. I had to buy a clear model as they were out of stock of the pink one. I'd tried it a few times yesterday, but it had become quite painful after no more than half an hour. With my bum properly filled, I went back to work.
I wiped the benches and started on the cooker. The pain in my bottom started after about half an hour again, but I was determined to push myself a bit further. The work distracted me but after an hour I began to feel a little nauseous, so I took a toilet break. In the past, that would have been the end of my experiment, but I decided to re-insert the silicone penis. In the end I wore it from two o'clock in the evening until eight. It was painful at times, but moving around seemed to help and most of the time I forgot it was there.

I phoned Mistress and asked Her to let me know when She and Madam were returning so I could have a pot of tea ready for Them, then got on with the cooker. I spent nearly five hours on it and virtually dismantled it. It's still not perfect, but it's very nearly so.

Mistress phoned just as I sat down after six hours non-stop. She told me not to bother starting to wash the kitchen floor, but I did sweep it on my hands and knees with a pan and brush. I didn't dare start to hand wash the silks as the wire wool had ripped my nails to shreds. So much for a lovely glossy feel!

I heard Them pull up in Madam's car and opened the front door just as Mistress got there, curtseying as I did so. It was too busy for me to risk going out and helping to unload the parcels, though. Madam was surprised I was still in my uniform.

After I served Them Their tea, I requested permission to change in order to complete my next chore. Mistress enquired to its nature and I said I wanted to take the waste paper for recycling. The recycling bins are in a supermarket car park which we overlook and are about 100 yards away as the crow flies, though a bit further as the sissy minces. Mistress said we'd do it tomorrow, but I requested permission to do it myself today as I wanted to wear my Mary Jane shoes and I only wanted to do that after dark. She graciously acceded to my request.

I removed my dress, tea apron, frilly panties and the netting petticoat and pulled on my Ladies' slacks. They're navy, flat fronted and have a side zip. I slipped on a red chiffon blouse with three-quarter sleeves and a cowl neck then went back downstairs for inspection. Madam said She wanted my blouse, but it's way too big for Her at size 22 – She's down to size 14 now. She also asked about trying on my Maid's dress for Her boyfriend and Mistress told Her I have some nice party dresses, too. However, Madam's had a bad headache all day and decided She didn't want the fuss. It felt strange curtseying without a skirt.

I piled up the waste paper in two plastic boxes on a luggage trolley and set off. It's the first time I've been out with Ladies' shoes on. I also wore Mistress's red fleece, but it was zipped no more than two inches. My blouse was plain to see. I just wanted a slight disguise as I was not wearing a wig or make-up. Having worn my heels in the house, I was quite surprised what a click-clack they made. I was also surprised how busy it was at eight o'clock and the car park is very well lit. I took care to time my walk so as to avoid other people as far as possible, but three cars passed me as I was leaving and I caught up to an elderly couple who kept stopping. I tried to walk as quietly as possible. They took a different turn and I walked past them but he turned and glanced down. I hope he was looking at my luggage trolley!

Upon my return I asked Madam if She'd kindly either alter my dresses (my Maid's dress has always been too big, though it was made to allegedly measure and I do know how to use a tape measure!) or make me new ones. We discussed my appearance. Madam thought I had good legs, though my stockings were short, and a slender figure in my slacks and blouse, but I had no hips. Mistress agreed and said She liked my bum. It was agreed I'll need a corset when we've finished our diet. Madam remarked that Mistress should get out Her whip. Mistress said I wouldn't let Her buy one. I requested permission to speak in my defence and tactfully reminded Mistress that I had suggested She use a cane or tawse instead. (I know these are all instruments of punishment, but in my mind a whip will always be associated with torture and I don't mean sexual). However, upon reflection, I realized I had no right to try and restrict Mistress's freedom of action and, when Madam had gone, showed Her a catalogue I'd just received from the Muir Academy in order to make Her choice. She declined, saying She'd never be able to bring Herself to use it.

Madam finished Her tea and left, but not before I offered to clean Her house whenever She wants. She wouldn't mind me wearing my uniform and Her house is much more secluded than ours.

Mistress and I had a talk. She told me how pleased She was that I was helping a lot more with the housework, but She didn't want me to do it all. (However, it's early days yet). At the moment, She's not too comfortable with me addressing Her as Mistress, either. I requested that She take charge more often. I explained that it was much easier for me to serve and obey Her when I was properly dressed as a sissy and I enjoyed doing as I was told. Nor is She too sure about that. I suppose I'll have to earn Her trust by immediately obeying Her every remark. It's my own fault for trying to be a male all these years.

Mistress told me I needed hair to pass as a Woman and I requested permission to buy a better wig than the very cheap one I now have. I'm not sure She'll be more comfortable with me as a sissy in Women's clothes or a sissy trying to pass. I asked if She'd help me with make-up and She readily agreed, so long as I didn't expect sex, because my dressing does not arouse Her. I mentioned we make love before we rise anyway.

I've taken far too long writing this and I don't have time to change back into my Maid's uniform or hand wash the lingerie before I cook tea. Mistress wants to try spaghetti Bolognese with cabbage instead of spaghetti (we're on the Atkins diet). It sounds interesting.

I can't believe how well today's gone.

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Nancy 200501.2

2008-12-23T18:30:00.003Z

420 Another Toe Out Of The sissy Closet

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

I bought my Wife some lingerie from Sulis Silks for Christmas, but the cami-knickers were too short in the body, so I returned them with a request for a pair longer in the body, to which They kindly agreed. I also asked for two slips to be made to special order - They really are the most helpful Ladies I've ever come across - and, whilst we were discussing my requirements, Miss Janet remarked that some older orders were size 24 whereas the newer ones were size 20.

"Has She lost some weight?" She asked.

I felt the colour rise in my cheeks. "Um," I said. I hesitated a second, then asked, "May I make a confession?"

"Yes," said Miss Janet.

"They were for me!" I blurted out.

She didn't even blink, so to speak, and just carried on with the order, even advising me of the all Their forthcoming special offers and making sure I get the free St Valentine's Day gift wrapping.

Strangely, it's a relief to know They know.

I hope everyone is well.

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Nancy 200501.1

2008-12-23T18:06:00.004Z

396 Cissy Pansy’s Update

(Curtsey)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

My Wife and I spent Christmas with my Mother-In-Law, Who is quite elderly. I said I wanted to wear panties, a bra and slip all over the four day break and my Wife asked me to keep it a secret from Her Mother.

I wore my breast enhancers in my bra while we drove down, but, when we arrived and had sat down, the first thing my Mother-In-Law asked me was, "Are you putting on weight?" I made a discrete exit and removed the enhancers.

I was a very lucky sissy as my Wife bought me an Apple i-Pod. When we returned home, I downloaded most of the files from warpmymind.com. I've listened to several of the trance files several times, but I'm not able to go under yet. I've listened to two of the hypnosis files, too, and they sound very exciting.

I ordered an i-Skin evo2 silicone cover for the i-Pod. The colour is blush - bright pink! It now looks very sissy. My Wife said She'd hold it for me if ever I became embarrassed. I'll have to make sure that doesn't happen!

Today I got up early to collect some mail from the Post Office. I filed and shaped my nails, which I haven't cut since we returned from our holiday to the English Lake District in early December. They're quite long now. I didn't have time to put on nail varnish, however.

I dressed in a deep, boned suspender (garter) belt from Rigby & Peller, black glossy stockings, lace-front white cotton panties, a panty-girdle (to keep me tucked), a high-waisted long-leg panty-girdle (which holds in everything, but isn't tight enough in the crotch to keep me tucked), a bra and breast enhancers, navy blue Lady's slacks with a side zip and flat front (I really need a pair of slacks with a waistband), a black cotton strappy top and a black lace blouse with three-quarter sleeves. I only buttoned the top three in order to emphasize my bust. I used Fenjal deodorant and body spray.

Unfortunately, that's when I wimped-out and put on a fleece and male shoes. I walked to the Post Office and as soon as I returned I changed into my Mary-Janes. I asked my Wife how I looked and She said, "Ridiculous." My Wife helps me to dress but She gets nothing out of it Herself. Nevertheless, over Christmas She promised we could go shopping for more Ladies' clothes for me when we'd finished our new diet, which is due to start on 17th January.

I'm now up to date with the messages for both Trained husbands; Happy Wives 2 and 4, but much editing still needs to be done. I'd like to express my heartfelt thanks to Madam Rebecca and Sissie for all their hard work in running these groups. I've found it hard work just to copy the messages!

Although I haven't yet had time to read all the messages, I'm a fair way through the archives from ThHW1 and - SHOCK! HORROR! - Madam Rebecca is very wise and right about a great many things. For instance, whilst dressed today, I found myself moving in a much more Feminine manner by taking smaller steps, trying to put one foot in front of the other, holding my elbows close to my body and keeping my wrists limp. It felt very natural, but I just can't do it when I'm dressed in male outerwear.

I'm also trying to help my Wife much more with the housework, but I think this will take some time and much perseverance on my part. Neither of us enjoys housework but we're both thorough; in my case, possibly to a fault. So far, I've not managed much more than to keep asking Her to ask me to help Her. I have to be careful: I keep jumping in to do things before She can, only to be told, "Not yet!"

I will never experience many of the training techniques advocated by Madam. My Wife, for example, takes Her wedding vows very seriously, as do I. If I were to cheat on Her, She'd divorce me, but She holds Herself to the same standard and, therefore, would never cuckold me. She finds the idea of anal and oral sex distasteful, whether giving or receiving, so they will never happen either. I've never even broached the idea of toilet training and She is not at all interested in homosexuality, so no cock-sucking for me and no Lesbianism, either.

By the way, none of the foregoing should in any way be seen as being judgemental of others: it's just a statement of our situation. For example, Madam has written of doing many of the above and She and Sissie have been married for many years whilst these have been happening so it seems their marriage is strong, but it wouldn't work for my Wife and me.

I hope this finds you all well and you have the courage and opportunities to make your fantasies reality.

Yours sincerely,
Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Nancy 200412

2008-12-23T17:56:00.008Z

366 Cissy Pansy’s Introduction

(Curtesy)
Dear Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

I am writing this while my Wife writes the letter we're sending with our Christmas cards this year.

I have been a member for several months now, but this is my first posting other than to ask a question about the posting from Madam Rebecca about sissy breast sizes. The writer unfortunately did not have the post and suggested I read the messages and I have now copied most of the postings (I'm currently in the 1800s), with the exception of those personal ad type postings which receive no response. I'm in the process of editing these. This will take me quite some time - probably the better part of a year.

I'm 6', 37 years old, dark-haired but bald and somewhat over-weight at about 15st 7lbs (217lbs), though my Wife and I both have every intention of losing a considerable amount of weight in the New Year. My Wife and I have been together for nearly sixteen years now and we recently celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary.

My first memory of dressing, and one of my earliest memories of anything, was taking a yellow panty-girdle belonging to my Aunt from the laundry basket at my Grandmother's and putting them on over my trousers. I was no older than four at the time. Of course, they were like rather baggy shorts on me but I loved the soft, silky feel of the material and I still have a thing for yellow - my first sissy dress was yellow. I was caught almost straight away. I have the impression that I'd worn the panty-girdle before and been caught and had surreptitiously retrieved the girdle from the basket. I crept downstairs, no doubt too quietly, as young children are wont to do when they don't want to be discovered, and had tried to run along the hallway past the open door into the lounge where my Aunt, Mother and Grandmother were sitting. I can remember my Mother exclaiming, "The girdle!"

My opportunities to dress were limited for the next few years. Indeed, I cannot recall the desire recurring until I was an adolescent. I looked at my Sister's underwear but didn't try anything. In 1983 my parents had some work carried out and the tradesman's young mate did try on some of my Sister's underwear, but my Mother knew it had been disturbed and, by a process of elimination, he was caught and I heard he confessed.

I did try on an orange-red nylon overcoat worn by Mother to protect Her clothes while doing housework, but my next chance came when I started a Saturday job in a department store aged 16. Clothing which was faulty and returned for a refund or exchange was destroyed by being cut in two with scissors by a Supervisor and I took a half-slip and a bra from Her bin (trash can). I sewed them together at home, rather inexpertly. I remember wearing a suspender (garter) belt (without stockings) and it being noticed by my younger brother, peeking above my trousers and showing through my shirt, but I managed to bluff my way out of that.

The job meant I had some money to spend and I bought a few adult magazines, though not of a sissy nature: there were none available. I did buy a copy of World of Transvestitism, but I did not enjoy it much as there was very little sex. Most of the magazines were spanking orientated, such as my first, Justice (no longer published). My interest in spanking had been kindled by a section of the local public library which dealt with such matters (in an academic manner, of course). After much solo searching (how could I possibly approach a Librarian?) I found a similar, not so rich, section on transvestitism. I couldn't believe (until I discovered the internet two years ago) that so many adult books on transvestitism existed as were quoted in these research papers.

I took a holiday with two Girls with Whom I went to school, staying in a caravan owned by one of the Girl's parents, shortly before going to university. On one occasion I was left in the caravan on my own and I tried on a pair of the Girl's panties, which were white cotton "days of the week."

I disposed of my Female underwear and adult books and magazines when I moved to university, but soon replaced them, including a panty-corsellete from Marks and Spencer. I only weighed about 10st (140lbs) at the time but I was very thin and not at all curvy and so I wanted something that would give me a Feminine shape. I wasn't successful.

I repeated this cycle of disposal and re-purchase several times, whenever I became too nervous and afraid I might be caught. I always shared a room so privacy was limited and I did most of my dressing in bathrooms, taking everything off again before I left the room. One night I slept in a pair of tight panties with my little wiggle tucked between my legs and my little cherries pushed inside my abdomen, but I awoke in pain and had to re-arrange my "bits." The pain was that of having my little cherries crushed and it's only been over the past year or so that I've been comfortable being tucked in this manner for long periods of time.

I met my Wife just before Christmas in my final year at university and it was love at first sight. We had our first date early in the New Year and I barely returned to my room for several weeks thereafter. I bought Her a silk teddy for Valentine's day. She was amazed at my audacity but still has the teddy, though it's now several sizes too small. She is my Wife, my Lover and my BestFriend. I am truly blessed.

I remember confessing my liking for cross-dressing in early Summer. The flat I shared was in the basement of a Hall of Residence and the fire exit passed through it. Curiously, the fire exit door into the flat was on the first floor (second floor in America) and we had a room-sized landing at ground floor level which we used as our bedroom, complete with a double mattress. As we lay there one night I explained to Her about my desire to dress in Women's clothes and how I was not gay in the least. She thought I was strange (and still does: I asked Her again last night) but was not put off.

We went on a canal boat holiday that Summer and I did most of the steering so I had many hours to myself. I whiled away the time with sexual fantasies. Although my main fantasy involves my forced Feminization and submission to a variety of naturally superior Women I have other fantasies, too, most of which involve a Girl and Her submission to a variety of naturally superior Women! I am greatly aroused by Lesbianism, spanking, bondage, infantilism, lactation, pregnancy and watersports. My fantasies are devoid of other males and I seem to exist in an otherwise exclusively Female world. They do involve far more frequent sex than seems to be normal in sissy stories (sis-lit?) but then again, in my fantasies I'm blessed with far more Female sexual responses and stamina. I'd love to experience multiple orgasms.

The only sissy thing I did that holiday was to ask my now-Wife to be allowed to use Her panty-liners, which She refused. A few months later, while staying with Her Mother, with Whom I get along very well, I asked to be allowed to wear a nightdress one evening. My Wife asked why and I explained the thrill I get in my fantasies when a Woman slides Her hand up my bare or stocking-covered thigh and under my short skirt. She was only too happy to oblige and of course we ended up having great sex, which we normally do.

My Wife likes to be teased and I'm normally able to exercise self control until after Her orgasm, when She then likes me cum straight away. Since then, whenever I've worn something to bed it's been a nightdress, normally a cotton print night shirt, but shortly before we married I discovered a company now called Apres Noir, http://www.xdress.com/ They make lingerie for males and I bought a range of silk and lace panties for our honeymoon, as well as two knitted silk nightshirts.

Recently I've found Sulis Silks, http://www.sulis.co.uk/. Of course I've treated my Wife, but I've bought rather more for myself, including a gorgeous ruby silk satin and lace nightdress. The Ladies there are very helpful. I wanted a pair of French knickers to go with the nightdress but by the time I decided this, the range had been withdrawn. However, They were happy to make whatever I wanted from the old range and in any colour - except ruby, as They had no silk satin left. Now, over a year later, They've re-introduced ruby, albeit in a slightly different shade, and They were only too happy to agree to my request, even offering me a choice of styles!
I've bought myself a few bras over the years, most of which didn't fit very well (I have a 40" chest), but I now have a nice selection from Apres Noir and Sulis. The Sulis ones in particular seem to fit especially well as They are properly sized (not just small/medium/large/etc) and They even make 42A! Their underwired styling give me definite shape, especially when I lift my chest tissue (I hesitate to label my sissy chest fat and tissue as breasts) above the wiring and into the cups. I've tried a variety of cup sizes and, although I'm certainly a bit less than an A cup, the B cup size has the best, largest and most noticeable effect because the larger circumference of the cup's underwiring encapsulates more of my sissy chest fat and tissue. To complete the effect I pop in a pair of breast enhancers which boost me about one cup size.

The only problem I've had with the Sulis bras is that, being made for Ladies, Who tend to have longer legs and shorter bodies than males, the straps can be a little short. The underwired styles are fine on maximum extension, but a padded, soft cup 50s style bra I bought could really do with an extra four (to give me some leeway) inches on the straps and this is something I'll ask the Ladies when I next order a bra.

In terms of reading matter, in the early nineties I could find nothing in the part of the UK in which we live but spanking magazines, apart from standard centrefold-type publications, with the noticeable exception of Forum magazine (UK edition), which covers a wide variety of topics and has become much more fetish-oriented over the years. The letters section is exceptional. My Wife has had a subscription for over ten years, but I regret She never reads it.

A branch of Transformation opened in a nearby city. Transformation is a chain of transvestite shops owned by Stephanie Ann Lloyd, a very attractive transsexual. They're staffed by friendly Women and for many years had branches only in Manchester, from where I believe Ms Lloyd hails, and London, which store I visited several times when I was a student. They also offer mail order but unfortunately are an "own brand" outlet and, although the prices were equivalent to those charged by high street chains, I'm afraid Transformation didn't use the same quality of materials, though things were well-finished and I still have a cache sex. I bought several novellas and magazines on transvestite and adult baby themes but these, too, were pricey. Transformation magazine was glossy and well printed but cost £25 (about $45) even in the eighties.

In the early nineties my Wife took me to York for the weekend of my birthday. She bought me a pair of silk boxer shorts and accompanied me to the local Marks & Spencer where She allowed me to buy a pair of French knickers in plain cream satin. I also found a veritable Aladdin's cave of adult magazines at Blue Moon Books, where I discovered the superb Pleasure Bound bondage magazine. This was nearly always Fem Sub, but did contain a hefty proportion of Lesbian bondage, too, and the letters were as good as Forum. I visited several times over the years and built up an almost complete collection.

Unfortunately, repeated police raids and a series of failed prosecutions of the publishers, Olympia Press, resulted first in the transformation of Pleasure Bound into Pleasure Bound Forum (the same magazine with no photos but drawings to compensate) then a complete shut-down. Olympia Press now concentrates on its range of bondage novels.

A few years later I bought my first lactation and pregnancy magazine, which tied neatly with my penchant for infantilism and then a wonderful new company, Sabre Publishing, burst on the scene with excellent titles such as Enforced Femininity, Sissies on Parade and the World of the Male Maid, amongst others. Wow! I couldn't believe my eyes when I first saw them. For a while they were really widely available, too, even from newsagents in my own town!

It was an article in one of these which led me on my next adventure, to Wendy Jane's in March, Cambridgeshire. She runs a fabulous adult clothing shop with a fair range of books, too. I took a holiday (I'm a manager and I get thirty working days per annum in addition to the small (by European standards) number of bank (our closest equivalent of public) holidays. European holiday allowances are much more generous than in the US) and made the four hundred miles round trip. I wore a matched set of Apres Noir panties, bra and suspender (garter) belt in white satin and lace with black stockings under a fleece shirt (to try and hide my bra straps - sorry!) (I always look for bra straps on a Lady in order to see if She's wearing a bra at all - sorry!) and a pair of petrol blue cord trousers. They're the most sissy colour I own. I also took a pair of thick cotton tights (pantyhose).

I stopped off at Hay-Way shoes in Leicester on the way and bought a pair of black Mary Jane shoes. I slipped the tights over my feet to make sure the shoes would still fit when I was wearing the rest of my new outfit. The Lady, one of the two Female Owners, was very helpful and recommended I buy a pair of breast enhancers. I left the shoes in the box but couldn't wait to slip the breast enhancers inside my bra cups. I felt like I had mountains on my chest, especially when my seat belt nestled between my bra cups, pulling my shirt taut across my chest, though in reality I had less than an A cup.

Ms Jane's stock is unbelievable. The walls are lined with two clothing rails, one at tip-toe height and the other below. There's a similar arrangement in the centre, leaving barely enough room for two people to pass face to face down the two narrow aisles. Of course, sissies are a minority, so most of the stock was aimed at Ladies, Who are still expected by society to be the Ones doing the dressing-up. In my humble opinion, such stereo-typing is wrong - but which sissy wouldn't want to be so stereo-typed? Nevertheless, the specifically sissy selection was out of this World (superlatives begin to fail me) and She stocks clothing for real life Women, not Supermodels Whom I'm sure gay male fashion editors really want to be slim young men, so even many of the Women's outfits were large enough for a sissy.

Of course, Ms Jane offered assistance and, summoning my courage, I accepted and told Her I was looking for a little Girl's party dress with matching panties. She helped me choose to try on a short lemon satin dress, trimmed with white lace and complete with nylon net petticoats to give the skirt body and a similar, longer creation in pink satin. Both were tied about the waist with broad self-coloured satin ribbons and came with matching satin rumba panties covered with white lace. I took them to the changing cubicle but I had to ask Her to pull up and down the back zip, so She could see I was wearing a bra and stockings. I was very tempted by the pink number, as the longer skirt was much more swishy, but the yellow one was irresistible. I wonder why? I also bought a few Sabre magazines.

It was more than a year before I returned, dressed similarly, but this time I took my Mary Jane shoes into the shop with me. On this occasion it was the pink dress and panties I wanted and purchased. I had a little more courage and even ventured out of the cubicle with the shoes and dress on, though out of necessity, I have to admit, as I was unable to reach the back zip without putting more strain than I wanted to on the fabric of a dress I hadn't yet bought and Ms Jane had gone into Her office and hadn't returned! I also asked to try on a box-pleated navy blue Schoolgirl skirt and She handed this to me after I'd removed the pink dress, so She saw me in all my lingerie. The Schoolgirl skirt, though definitely short, was not indecently so, which was what I wanted. I wanted my panties to be glimpsed when I walked, not just when I bent at the waist, so I settled for the dress and panties, together with a few copies of The Governess, published by the Alice Kerr Sutherland Society and about which I'd read.

The underlying theme of this publication is worship of the Female, which I like, and absolute abhorrence of male arousal, which I don't and, in my humble opinion, is to a certain extent unrealistic because, ultimately, if we're honest, this is all about sex in one form or another. My definition of sex does include permanent orgasm denial of males and Females, if that is what is desired within a consensual relationship, but it's by no means limited to that. I would contend in these circumstances that permanent denial accompanied by constant arousal would be most effective as a means of a Domme asserting Her superiority. After all, what is achieved if orgasm denial is accompanied by no desire? It seems to me to be as effective as my Wife refusing to let me eat grapefruit, marmalade, liquorice or a diet of nuts or drink dandelion and burdock or tea, which is an exhaustive list of the foodstuffs I don't like. On the other hand, The Governess is unfortunately much more in touch with real life in that enforced Feminization and sissification play only a small part in male submission, though it stresses the importance of shame and humiliation. I'd prefer that clothes maketh the sissy.

In 2002 we took a holiday in Sant' Agnelo, just outside Sorrento on the Bay of Naples. While shopping in Sorrento, my Wife took a liking to a white cotton broderie anglaise blouse. She eventually chose the shorter style as I felt the longer style, with a flair below the waist, placed too much emphasis on Her hips and did not flatter Her superb curvy figure. Back in our hotel room, She took a shower and I was able to try on the blouse. It was heavily elasticated and wonderfully stretchy and fitted me well. That afternoon I walked back into Sorrento and bought myself the longer version. Though I couldn't try it on in the shop - my Italian is almost non-existent, though my Wife speaks it well - when I returned to the hotel again I found it made a fantastically short mini-dress which displayed my panties a treat.

Through Fantasy Fiction Group I contacted Ms Rose, who makes sissy clothes to order. She kindly agreed to make me a black satin French Maid's dress trimmed with white lace and complete with a tiny white satin apron, a navy blue box pleated Schoolgirl's gym skirt and another sissy dress in navy blue gingham based on a captioned drawing I'd seen in another magazine called The Governess. (I'll post a copy of the drawing when I work out how to access the files, with Madam Rebecca's kind permission, of course). All three are outrageously short and I have no means of hiding my panties, even when standing bolt upright.

Later that year I confessed to my Wife that I'd bought a few outfits and She was gracious enough to ask me to model them for Her. She very kindly kept a straight face even though She really doesn't understand my predilection and She thought I looked ridiculous in many, if not all, of them. However, She'd rather knew I was dressing in Her presence than dressing behind Her back and She even gave me permission to store my dresses in Her wardrobe so I could bring them down from our loft (attic).

For St Valentine's day in 2003 She bought me a wig and, during the week's holiday we always take for St Valentine's day - we're still very much in love – She took me shopping for cosmetics, especially concealing foundation, then made up my face, applied nail polish and allowed me to dress all day. She also helped me choose fragrances and I settled on Fenjal, which has a very Feminine smell. I use the crème deodorant and body spray. It's available in the UK from independent chemists (drugstores).

We returned to Italy in 2003 and, apart from the pair of underpants I wore to fly out and a second pair to fly home, I took only panties. I think this was the first time my Wife allowed me to use Her panty liners, which I used to protect the gusset of my silk panties. Additionally, I screwed up my courage and bought a pair of turquoise bikini panties from Marks & Spencer, who sell bikini separates. I wore these whenever we were by the pool. Marks & Spencer is a very popular chain in the UK and there were several Ladies wearing identical panties, albeit with bikini tops, too, not to mention many Others wearing merely similar panties.

I waxed my legs for that holiday, too, though somewhat patchily, as my Wife refused to help. I've often helped Her (we actually use a sugaring solution, which is soluble in hot water) so I knew what to do, but whereas She only needs to denude Her lower legs, I had to do all mine and it's much harder to do oneself. Now I know why She needs help! I also used Veet (formerly Immac) to depilate my torso. Fortunately, my torso is not nearly as hairy as my legs but my hair is very dark brown and I have quite a pale complexion by contrast, so the hair is noticeable. I also tweezered the hairs from around my nipples and started on my pubic hair, but all this caused problems as my hairs have a tendency not to break through the skin when growing back and instead grow under, causing inflammation and what looks like a rash. I find I need to use a sewing needle to tease them out and, as this invariably causes a small amount of bleeding, I end up with unsightly scabs. All in all, it can take months for my skin to return to normal. I still persevered with plucking my nipples for several months but despite removing the hair root much of the time the re-growth was at least as thick.

Ironically, my head is bald and I started going bald in my very early teens, as my Mother couldn't resist telling me one day when I was knelt at Her feet so She could brush my hair when I was thirteen. I wasn't allowed to brush my own hair until some years later.

Between Christmas and New Year last year, my Wife took me shopping for a pair of Ladies' slacks and a panty girdle. I chose a pair of navy Ladies' slacks with a side zip and plain front. All my trousers have pleats. This means the Ladies' slacks look best, in other words smoothest at the crotch, when I'm tucked but it's really more obvious I'm wearing Ladies' slacks when I'm not tucked, as they're not cut with any allowance for my little wiggle and cherries and so I make an obvious bulge even when not aroused, although I'm no more than average in size. I've since worn them outside on several occasions, mostly unaccompanied. However, they really need a proper waistband.

I chose a white long-legged panty girdle with as high a waist as I could find in order to hold in my tummy, but they're not really high-waisted. I can't seem to be able to find a style that has both long legs and a high waist in the UK, even online. In any event, these weren't as successful as I'd hoped. A normal panty girdle keeps me tucked. I push my little cherries into my abdomen, flatten my scrotum and then pull my little wiggle as far back between my legs as possible. The tighter the panties, the better I'm able to maintain a smooth silhouette. (This brings a whole new meaning to visible panty line!) However, Ladies' panties do have a narrower gusset than men's underpants and sometimes part of my scrotum can escape from the tightly-elasticated gusset of a panty girdle and become pinched by the elastic edging. This is not only progressively more painful but very un-Ladylike. I had hoped a long legged panty girdle would overcome this, but my shape tends to mean the gusset isn't as snug as I'd like and the legs actually pull it away from my body, so there's more room into which my tucked little wiggle can escape, not less! I see Apres Noir now make a gaff, so I think I'll try that.

I bought myself a sexy mini-skirt from Dorothy Perkins, a Ladies' fashion store, in their January sale, for about £5. It has a black, red and yellow tartan on a white ground and is very short. French knickers and mini-skirts do not mix!

We stayed with my Mother-In-Law over our St Valentine's Day holiday this year and my Wife again took me shopping, this time for Ladies' tops and blouses. We went to Bon Marché, who target an older market than Dorothy Perkins and are very reasonably priced. I chose two red chiffon tops, one with sleeves and one without, and a lacy black blouse with three-quarter sleeves. I should really buy a black bra to go under it.

When my Wife decided She wanted Her first bikini - She wouldn't wear one even when we first met and She was slimmer - She had difficulty finding one She liked. I offered Her my turquoise bikini panties and confessed (again) that I'd also bought a pink pair and a yellow pair. In the end She chose a set, but over the next few weeks She bought me three strappy tops in soft black, turquoise and yellow cotton. She tried to find a pink one, but couldn't.

When we returned to the same hotel in Sant' Agnelo for our Summer holidays this year, I only took bikini panties for poolside wear and wore the co-ordinating top. I wore the black top with the pink panties. The two yellows were somewhat different but went together well enough and the turquoise strappy top and bikini panties could have been part of a set instead of being bought over a year apart in different stores!

Earlier this year I found I had difficulty developing and maintaining an erection. My doctor was very helpful and, after a few tests to make sure everything was basically okay, prescribed Viagra in time for our holiday, which we always take to coincide with our wedding anniversary. However, whilst on holiday I didn't need them and I've only needed them a few times since.

About a year ago I bought an Enemagra/Aneros prostate massager. Using it, although pleasurable, induced peristalsis (look it up: I don't want to spoil this with too much detail!) even though I am by no means constipated and by the time I could use it comfortably, my anus was usually too sore. A few months ago I bit the bullet and bought a gravity enema kit. I'd read in Forum how an enema could make anyone, male or Female, look several months pregnant. I'm fascinated by the sissy humiliation aspect of this (imagine filling out a Maternity dress with your bottom plugged so you can't expel a large enema and then being paraded in front of other Ladies!) but, to my immense disappointment, found an irresistible urge to expel after no more than a pint of warm water. Of course, the impact of a pint of water on my belly was nil. I used about four litres or seven pints of water before inserting the massager and thrusting into myself with it, though it's meant to be just held inside. The sensations were wonderful but I felt my hand getting wet and, fearing another expulsion, withdrew the massager to find it covered in blood. That's another problem I have: my anus bleeds very easily and often for no apparent reason. C'est la vie. However, that day I took a Viagra tablet and I was able to sustain an erection nearly all day, despite frequent climaxes. My little wiggle barely subsided even after ejaculation, with only a relatively slight softening. I've written Viagra into my fantasies as a means of a sissy being able to be gifted with multiple orgasms.

My Wife complained that my underwear drawer was always a mess, containing as it did my underpants, socks and burgeoning collection of panties. She graciously agreed to my suggestion that we buy a bedside cabinet (nightstand) containing three drawers. I've been able to collect all my frillies together from where I had them stashed in various places. My panties are in the top one, my bras, breast forms and petticoats (These are so practical. I buy short petticoats that barely conceal my panties and they keep me lovely and warm in colder weather. I really notice when I'm not wearing one) in the second one and the bottom one contains my Schoolgirl's gym skirt, the broderie anglaise blouse, frilled tennis knickers, leotards and a slip to go under a French Maid's skirt.

We've recently returned from a holiday in the English Lake District with my Sister-In-Law. She's thirteen years older than my Wife and is our inspiration for losing weight in the New Year as She's been so successful recently, though She still has a tendency to hide Her great figure underneath a bulky coat. We did a "Trinny & Susannah" (the hosts of the BBC's "What Not To Wear") on her (without the touchy feely bits) and She went out and bought some sexy tops for special wear, which She's wearing all the time! I painted my fingernails with clear nail varnish, which She noticed straight away, as I'd hoped. After swearing Her to secrecy, my Wife and I told Her everything. She didn't laugh, though like my Wife She thinks I'm strange, although She admitted Her new boyfriend does a drag act!

My Sister-In-Law is a gifted Seamstress and has promised to do some minor repairs and extend the bra straps on the Sulis padded bra which are too short. My Wife had asked Her to make some leotards for Her (really for me) and my Sister-In-Law had asked some questions which my Wife was unable to answer at the time, but now She knows my secret She'll make those, too.

My next project is to replace my underpants, which are many years old and fraying at the seams. I'm not confident in wearing panties to work, so as a compromise I'm buying Girl's navy gym knickers. The nylon variety is cheaper but, I feel, less hygienic for all-day wear. After all, gym normally only lasts an hour! So, I'll probably buy mainly traditional cotton.

I have some stories I've written and if Madam Rebecca graciously permits it, I'd be delighted to post these in the files.

Madam Rebecca and Mistresses, please forgive me for such a long post. My wife finished writing the Christmas letter several days ago!

I wish you all a very merry Christmas and a happy and successful New Year,

Cissy Pansy
(Curtsey)

Nancy 20081223

2008-12-23T08:30:00.004Z

Dear Mistress, Madam Rebecca, Mistresses and sissies,

I have been posting my journal in Trained husbands; Happy Wives 2 (now defunct) and Sissie's Life and Times (its replacement) for four years now and I habitually start my entries in this way.

At first I didn't send the journal to Mistress as I didn't think She'd be interested. Then, shortly after I started sending it to Her, She said She found my writing to be embarrassing. This mortified me and I wrote to Madam Rebecca and Sissie to ask for permission to continue to post it in their Yahoo! group. It had never crossed my mind that my writing could be so bad. However, Madam Rebecca has been ill and Sissie has been very busy, so I haven't had a reply from them.

I considered stopping my journal, but I do like to write and so I have decide to start a blog.

By way of introduction, I'll post here my journal entries from the above Yahoo! groups. The titles of the posts will give an indication of when they were originally written. I called myself Cissy Pansy until Mistress re-named me Nancy. The numbers refer to the thread number and is my own system.

This will take some time, so please bear with me.

Love,

Nancy